Saturday, July 17, 2010

Mire

Sometimes one can put their emotions on the back burner. A fire starts and the surprise, shock and all related emotions wait until everyone is safe and then they run freely. I've always been able to do this. This has helped me excel in emergency situations. I fold later.


As I have gotten older, I have learned to do this with other things. My 9-year relationship takes a dive and I have homework to do. My mother diagnosed with Alzheimer's and I cry, then back to work. My son in trouble with the law, final papers... Brian's parents selling their home to possibly move full-time to Arizona...research proposal. Ben enlists in the Navy, more homework.

Life is full of ups and downs. Throughout all, chop wood, carry water. I see it as surfing on top of the waves.

Yesterday, I was reading for one of my classes and drip. Okay, that was odd. Drip, drip... Like the beginning of a storm, the tears just fell faster and faster. There was no cognitive emotional front to this. No connected thought that brought it on. I was confused and actually kind of laughing about it. Finding it difficult to read, I got up and threw a load of laundry in. Still dripping. I got in the shower and finally it stopped.

Today I was watching a tv show that reminded me of Ben's joining the service and then it occurred to me that I still have all this stuff that I compartmentalized to fully address later. I think the stopper is coming loose from the pressure. My research proposal is not done, I still have a paper due in another class and I'm leaving for the summer institute tomorrow. This is not a good time. But, is it ever?