I'm back

Here I am, back from the world of semi-private gowns and .9% sodium solutions hanging in bags from metal poles! I think the fever got to me as I was thinking of .38 Special changing their song to "Caught up in Tubes" as I was trying to maneuver things as simple as using the bathroom. More than once I ended up pulling the IV half way out of the vein, only to have the damn machine beep about an occlusion.
I gave so many vials of blood I lost count (Drucula?). I had my 5 a.m. draw and my 6 p.m. draw. I know they were giving it to that phlebotomist, Actually once, they accidentally took 3 extra vials - they reassured me that I wouldn't be charged for it, so I don't think they got my point... Would you believe I'm more anemic? Go figure! The longer I sat up there the more I thought about the movie "Coma". I actually thought up some science fiction story ideas while I was up there, only to forget them now. I think that is a good sign.

My admitting doctor began looking more and more sinister each day. The pinch at the top of his nose grew longer and longer. Since my fluid intake/output was normal, there really was no reason for me to be hooked up to an IV. The nurses didn't understand it and neither did I. It was just a pain in the ass to deal with.

I must say the best part of the whole visit was the food. Each morning I had a belgian waffle. 1/2 with syrup and butter, 1/2 with strawberries in sauce. I also had the fruit plate whenever I could. There is nothing like fresh fruit, cut by someone else... The bruschetta chicken, despite rave reviews was one of the worst things I had - the noodles were far from al dente and the flavor was dilute. The taco salad wasn't bad. In my usual fashion, I would eat the lettuce first, then mix the rest to use for the dip for the chips. I had the vegetables and dip and ordered more chocolate milk than I ever got. I had a Freschetta pizza one night that was excellent. Along with a salad that consisted of a few long pieces of lettuce laying somewhat elegantly next to a few shreds of red cabbage and carrot. The iced tea was great! Fresh brewed... The coffee wasn't all that bad either, considering.

I hated being stuck inside with the first weather for the last month happening outside. It made me sad. Especially since I was going to walk down to watch the clouds and my IV beeped that the battery was low and had to be plugged in. :( The wireless service was nice, but bucked most of my applications that used it. I had to get creative to send and receive e-mail. It was too complicated for my frustrated self to keep doing every time I read or sent mail. (Sorry to those who wrote me and I didn't respond.)

Thank you to everyone for all the thoughts and prayers and the flowers and well-wishing. I wish I could tell you that they found it and fixed it, but I can't do that. All I can say is that they found a piece of metal in my head that has nothing to do with anything except that it is hilarious in some way since I have absolutely no idea where it came from. My head is now the butt of many jokes, including my own, as I picture my children purchasing large magnets so they can mess with my head. What if it rusts? What if I get tetanus? What if it is a chip? What if someone is controlling my thoughts? What if they just made me type that? and that? and that?....(mirror in a mirror)

:)

I Hate Monday Surprises

Well, I thought when I went in to get my white count checked that it was just a routine thing. I thought the numbers would be continuing down. I didn't give it a second thought. Now I am posting my blog from Sanford Hospital. They don't know what is wrong with me and are determined to find out. So far, I had a CAT scan. Tomorrow I meet with Dr. Sanchez-solar? the Infectious Disease Specialist. I am trying to find a way to get my lectures recorded. They said I could be here several days. I asked about visitors and they said only close family and friends. If this does turn out to be contagious, I don't want anyone else to get it. The white count is high and the viral numbers are low. So, it is not likely to be contagious, but I would really feel bad if someone else gets it. They are mentioning lumbar puncture (spinal tap) again. This time I said I wanted to be sedated. I don't care how little time it takes - it is excrutiating. More excrutiating is the 6 hours I have to lay flat on my back following the procedure so I don't get a headache. I am not good at sitting still for long.

Bummer. I hate this. :( Pardon my self pity. I think about all the time that I will have for calling city officials, studying for Physiology...

I donated another 8 vials of blood today. More blood cultures, more tests. I am sure that once the dr. gets ahold of me, I will be more of a pin cushion.

Well, good night all. Wish me luck!

Good riddence Sioux Falls DQ

I did give up on Dairy Queen several years ago. I didn't like their ice milk. It had no flavor and I just felt like I was eating frozen lard. My stomach wasn't digesting it well and my taste buds were mature. A few years ago, my mature tastebuds found themselves in a small town. It was the day after tornado tuesday. I ordered a grilled chicken caesar salad and a strawberry cheesequake blizzard. I was in heaven. They had broken the mature tastebud barrier.

So, I tried again in Sioux Falls. The next time I had anything it was a hamburger. It tasted funny. The meat tasted bad. Was it just me? The second opinion confirmed that "no" it wasn't. I was on my way out of town, so returning it was impossible. Okay, note to self, no burgers. Then it was the chicken caesar. When I asked for caesar dressing I got the funniest look. Okay, I will bring it home and eat it there. The next time, I tried a Strawberry Cheesequake, Nick had a butterfinger blizzard and Ben had a chocolate chip cookie dough blizzard. When I got my blizzard, It was 75% chocolate chip cookie dough with strawberry cheesequake tossed in.

Have you seen When Harry Met Sally? Let me refresh your memory of the scene when Harry says that Sally is high maintenance:

Waitress: Hi, what can I get ya?
Harry: I'll have a number three.
Sally: I'd like the chef salad please with the oil and vinegar on the side and the apple pie a la mode.
Waitress: Chef and apple a la mode.
Sally: But I'd like the pie heated and I don't want the ice cream on top I want it on the side and I'd like strawberry instead of vanilla if you have it if not then no ice cream just whipped cream but only if it's real if it's out of a can then nothing.
Waitress: Not even the pie? Sally: No, just the pie, but then not heated.

I'm probably not that bad. Anyway, last night was hot and we were getting the ice cream to go. Looking at their display sizes and containers, I decided I wanted my hot fudge on the side so I wouldn't wear it on the way home. Hot fudge melts the ice cream too fast. If I wanted hot fudge milk, I would ask for it. Anyway, the girl set a hot fudge sundae on the counter and her coworker said "no, she wanted the hot fudge on the side" the girl takes the sundae, slams it into the garbage and says that I was being ridiculous. She then slams down the container of the hot fudge and a container of what looked like heavy cream on the counter. I told the kid that it didn't look like the ones up on the display. The ice cream was - I kid you not - liquid and level with the rim of the container. He said that when they get busy it always does that. Well, I understand busy and we would have waited to actually have FROZEN ice cream - as I thought that was the meaning of ice cream. As we left the store, the man entering the store was apparently really into scratching his genitalia. As he didn't stop even when he saw us approaching, I asked him it he was alright.

I so could be a recluse....

Neighborhood Rejuvenation Meeting

Today was the second meeting that I went to for the Neighborhood Conservation Area. I sat next to the right person, too!! There is supposed to be a big announcement soon, possibly before the next meeting that impacts the project greatly. I don't know too much about it.

Things discussed were Arch. Inc.'s concept drawings of possible buildings to go in on 11th street. These would be similar in architecture to what we have in the neighborhood. They looked great! Tax and financial incentives were discussed, then the lady next to me, M., spoke of community gardens. I mentioned the parkways and how the city forestry guy wanted to know the addresses of the folks that were planting flowers on their parkways so he could cite them for it and probably have them all dug up. M. asked who it was and I told her I didn't quite know a right way to describe him but sniveling. She said she knew exactly who he was.

We discussed naming the area and agreed that it is the people in the neighborhood that should come up with the name and that our group could select from there. Names suggested were midtown, west town, old town.

I suggested that the plan incorporate the area from Minnesota to Grange and 10th to 18th. Everyone liked that idea.

This meeting was so much better than the last one. It was more promising. I went away from the last one with a sinking heart that this may fail. Someone else suggested that it goes to West. That would be good, too!

I brought up the specified crime property - I think that we should bring that up to the City Council. That is where the landlord gets fined if crime is a continuous problem at their property.

I got M.'s wheels turning on some ideas.

Well, that's all for now. I have to hit the books then run to class.

Shaky Sunday

I am very shaky today. Perhaps it is just stress. I should never research medical crap - although this is difficult since I am now taking Physiology. I sent my teacher an e-mail asking him what he could tell me about being septic. When I look online, everything says that I should be in ICU right now and that 25-50% of people with this condition die from it. Nice. I tried to get in with my own dr. but she was gone last week and I have an appointment with her tomorrow. I was supposed to get my white count checked again 24-48 hours after the initial exam-antibiotic shots, but they wouldn't/couldn't order the tests. You see, they wanted to do the exam and all the tests over again since the records from acute care hadn't arrived yet. I hate the medical field. They said that it usually takes 5 days for the records to arrive from Sioux Valley! This is the stinking digital age. What's the fricking hold up?! Medical transcriptionists work from home now!

After looking all this up, I can see why the doctor looked at me funny before saying he wasn't going to order the spinal tap against his better judgement - although I didn't look deathly ill.

Still here and maybe even better

I took the rest of the 4th off and cried and wrote and cried. When my son got home I told him that it would probably be best if he just grabbed what he needed and stayed at his dad's. I told him that I just can't take anymore of this. I expected him to go up to his room and run out of the house cheering. He has always been threatening to "go live with my dad". Turns out, he really doesn't want to. Hmmm... So now he says he can abide by the rules. He stayed home the night of the 4th and all day and night the 5th. He said he realizes that he can't be going out every night and staying out 'til all hours of the night - "there's nothing to do that late, anyway". I chuckle parentally.

I was thinking of going on a photo shoot tomorrow, until I heard what the weather would be like - hot! Perhaps Sunday. I have this location in mind. I don't think there are many if any trees, so the heat would be unbearable. The air went out in the car, and after paying $500 to get it fixed, it went out again... First it was the hose. Not such an expensive hose, just expensive to get to. Now it is supposed to be the compressor. I just really don't plan on driving this all that much longer. I need something more efficient anyway.

Well, time to study. I have a test this week. Tuesday I believe. On enzymes and stuff. I have been listening to the lectures again and jotting down notes from them and found that I am doing so much better. This is very abstract stuff for me. I will take time to shoot the roses, though. (Photographically speaking..)

Happy July 4, 2007

Okay, here it is. Out there and honest. I wouldn't write about today except for the fact that so many that read this blog say they can relate. Relating one human to another is such a personal thing. We are all human and we all go through times like this. Let's just hope we can all come out of it, too.

Today I woke up and cried. And cried and cried and cried. Have you ever had the feeling that this isn't the life that you signed on for? That despite all your efforts, you keep falling backwards over and over again. Forget the abstract, on to the reality.

It all started with the Nick thing. The graduation thing. He hasn't graduated yet. He is going to summer school. No, maybe it all starts with the car thing. He was in a rut and his car kept going out on him. The transmission was the last straw and I thought it was the last he should spend on that hunk of junk that turned out to be a gift that dumped on him over and over again. I could relate. I felt for the guy. So I blew a substantial chunk of my savings on buying him a car that would be reliable and hopefully help his self-esteem. He was so happy he promised that he would pay nearly every cent he made on it. I was happy that he was happy.

Then came the graduation thing. I cried and cried about that one. Shit, this time that was supposed to be so happy for me was so unhappy. I was angry with him.

Then came time for him to pay me for the car. Nope, nope, nope. He yelled at me because he didn't have the money. He kept working and earning it and spending it. He would be overdrawn and I would help him out and he wouldn't pay me back.

Jess came to spend her two weeks with her dad. She was up to the usual summertime fun of manipulating people, lying and throwing tantrums. I told Brian not to fix the last window she broke because she should live with it. One more window and she will have bugs and bats flying in her room. Then Jess was sexually assaulted. The truth of the matter was that we think that perhaps it may have been consensual and not the first time, but the 23 year-old registered sex offender is back in jail thanks to Jess's friend's father walking in on it.

Jess kept getting into trouble with her friend Anna. They would do what they wanted and didn't think that any adult had the right to tell them what to do. The constitution said that they were free to do whatever and say whatever they wanted. One night when Jess was supposed to be in counseling, she was in Valley Springs. Somehow, when Brian came home, she was back in Sioux Falls. When push came to shove, we found out that Nick had been driving she and her friend all over because he had a crush on her 13 year-old friend. Big no-no. Jess after she came home, threw a tantrum outside and her dad had to pick her up and bring her into the house. She called the police on him. That night Jess ran away. We called the police. Her friend thought that she was with another 23 year-old guy that she had a picture of on her phone. She says she stayed over at her friends' house. Who knows? Anyway, she was released to her mother's custody, but then had to go back to the pokey after punching her mom. She was there overnight and the next morning got smart with her mother who decided that apparently her stay at the "inn" had taught her nothing. So, she stayed all weekend.

Meanwhile, Nick still isn't paying for his car, but is going out every night with his friends and ending up with no money. He got into trouble with some magazine subscriptions, and owed $700.00 that they wanted right then. Earlier this week he was on the phone with them and we were trying to see how much he could pay right then and found out he had 4 more overdrafts at $34 each. He started crying. I grabbed the phone and talked them into waiting and he only had $280 left to pay. He was grateful for the moment.

Then there is the warrant for his arrest. It says 3 ct Simple Assault - attempt. ???? What the hell? His dad says that when he was partying at one of the local parks back in May, he had to leave. There were folks all around his car. When he shooed them away and began backing out, he bumped a girl in the back of the foot. He says he didn't know about it until the next day. That evening when he got to the park, there were folks with baseball bats waiting for him. (Is that where the first dent in the car came from?) He left the park before they could beat him up, but it wasn't over. Apparently the police had called and spoke with him. They didn't think it would go anywhere, but apparently it did. We don't know the details. We don't know why 3 cts, but we do know that this girl's mother took her to the doctor the following day and nothing was wrong. She was fine. There are holes in this story. Why? why? why? Who is this boy and where is my son? This isn't the Nick that was so interested in learning in 3rd grade that he was bored?

So, this morning, I wake up and the house is a mess and I feel like crap. Saturday, you see, when I woke up, my neck was stiff and sore. I think I had a pinched nerve. My mom and I seem prone to that. Sunday it seemed like I was getting a sore throat. I knew that I probably had an ear infection, but with all of the immune deficiency with antibiotics, I chose not to go to the doctor and get antibiotics. Today, I couldn't hear out of that ear and thought I had better go in. So I did. I figured I would get checked out, get antibiotics and get the heck out of there. Apparently it wasn't supposed to go that way.

After all was said and done, they took 8 vials of blood (I passed out only after they started the 2nd 4 vials - and they just kept poking and taking blood while I was on the floor), did a strep test and a chest x-ray and wanted to do a spinal tap. No thank you! They are testing for Lyme Disease, West Nile, thyroid, and blood infection. Jeepers! I just have an ear infection! Actually, the ear isn't even infected. It was fluid, but not infected. They gave me two shots of an antibiotic that they use for meningitis, a follow up prescription, and said that if I felt at all worse, to go to the emergency room immediately. (What does septic mean? I think toxic...) Now I sit on my sore ass and wait for test results. And the house is still messy and my kid locked his keys in his (my) car and had to admit he had stolen my set. Then he said that he didn't have to put up with my "shit"!?!

So, here I am. This IS NOT the life I signed up for.

Beggasse Company

I always thought it would be cool to own a company called Big Ass. Or, for better spelling, Beggasse. So, I would own a Big Ass company with a Big Ass board that makes Big Ass decisions. All the employees would have Big Ass jobs where they would get Big Ass paychecks. We would have Big Ass Christmas parties and Big Ass company picnics. Everyone would get Big Ass raises and Big Ass promotions as we would make Big Ass profits. They would drive Big Ass company cars and when we needed to fly somewhere we would take off in the Big Ass leer jet. It would be nice to be the Big Ass boss sitting at my Big Ass desk in my Big Ass chair in my Big Ass office in our Big Ass building. At the end of their Big Ass careers, each employee would have a Big Ass retirement party and we would give them Big Ass watches. Hopefully they will have enjoyed their careers as Big Ass employees!