I am thankful..

The decay in the forest instills life in the new generations.



What beautiful bark! Full of color. (Please click on it to see nature's design)
The "Lost Forty" is 40 acres of trees that never made it to the logger's maps. These trees have grown extremely tall and wide compared to their counterparts in the younger forest.

Sarah Stop!!! You're killing me!!! Well, not me...

Unbelievable. This woman needs adult supervision. This is horrible - or as Sarah Palin would say, "fun"!

Hello Again

I was told that I need to update my blog. So I will do so as I continue to burn my supper.

I have taken a little vacation from the blogosphere to concentrate efforts on school and city endeavors. I can't believe I graduate in 4 weeks. I hope I can find a job remotely in my field for awhile before I begin grad school.

For grad schools I am considering USD for either a masters in community psychology or a PhD in clinical psyche. I am also considering a masters in Social Work at Duluth. Or counseling psychology in Superior, WI. Ideally I would like to make strides in helping people with blended family issues. This is a truncated version of the total dream. I feel if I give away too much, I will not succeed so I will leave it at that.

Another option is my desire to redo the neighborhood, run for city council and rule the world someday. But, I am up agains the cat on that endeavor and that would be an uphill battle all the way! I have the dogs behind me, though.

I graduate on December 13th, and everyone is invited! Unfortunately, I can't plan for a huge reception because the nice folks at the U. scheduled graduation prior to finals!! But, if someone would like to say, fly in from Chicago that would be cool... (I'm just sayin'...)

But, I smell something, so I have to eat and finish writing my 3 papers.

TaTa folks. More later!

Day 2

On the second day, Brian made friends with a chipmunk. This was not difficult after the dogs spilled their food. (By the way, they need to make a portable invisible fence for campgrounds...) They are not used to being tethered up. Needless to say, their food and water was often overturned and the dogs got stuck in the picnic table, under the tent guy wires, in the branches and in the bushes. So, when the food got overturned, we received visits from various types of wildlife including the chipmunk pictured here. It was eating out of Brian's hand. Brian grew to know the habits, entry points and times his little friend would come into camp. Well, as Brian was learning this information, so was Maggie. Without saying much else, Maggie followed instinct and Brian's little friend was lifeless in the grass after she escaped from the tent. Brian and I both shouted at her but it was too late. After that, Brian learned to NOT feed the little animals that came into camp. Maggie tiptoed even lighter around us and hung her head, knowing we weren't pleased but not understanding why we weren't impressed with her hunting skills.

When Maggie first came to us, she was very shy. She stayed upstairs for a long time and wouldn't come down. We had to feed her up there. We also had to leash train her, which resulted in midair sommersaults and distressed yelping. Eventually she came closer and closer. After awhile, she would sit by me. She still hates being picked up, though. In fact, if she barks too much, I will threaten to pick her up and that usually results in a submissive stance as she jumps up on the couch on her own. (Oddly enough, it even works if she is already up on the couch.) We have concluded that she must have been abused at her last home. She really doesn't warm up to folks very fast and especially hates men. We understand that she was an outside dog, but don't know why anyone would do that to such a thin speck of a dog.

Anyway, she was really rattled by her tongue-lashing. It took much time and me sitting on the ground at her level for her to finally come back. She was so sorry, though.

Up North - Evening One thru Day 1

Since Brian, despite my protests, enjoyed his nice slow-paced drive through the woods eerily, I thought I would let him put the tent up himself. :) - Okay I do have something of an evil streak... I was nice enough to put the poles together for him and point out which goes where, but it was up to him to find the sleeves to put them through! It began misting so the rainfly had to go up as well. Needless to say he was frustrated by the end of it and hopefully will enjoy putting the tent up while it is still light out next time.

As soon as the tent went up, Maggie was in it. Sage and I sat by the fire and made some coffee while Brian finished up. Sage, my big fru fru dog, loves getting wet, dirty and rolling in leaves and such. The photo above shows her contentment. Maggie, approaches nature a bit differently. She does not like to get wet or dirty. She avoids the puddles Sage splashes and splunks through. While Sage sits in her own chair by the fire, Maggie will only sit by the fire if I am holding her. However, as you will find out later, she is no stranger to the wild!

After a short morning stroll to the lake, (about the equivilent of 1/2 a city block away) we went into town to have breakfast and get groceries. The car was so packed that we couldn't fit many groceries. Not only that, but if we like to frequent the area, we feel we need to support it and keep it going. Cranberry's, the restaurant we usually frequent, changed ownership and covered Grandma up with another sign that didn't do it justice. Perhaps it did, however, as the menu had changed from good home-cooking to a more "Applebees" cuisine.


We shopped a bit at our local favorites and even frequented a couple of new places. Compared to all the other times, the town and the campground were both quiet and not full of sightseers. The reasons for this were the cold weather this spring, gas prices, and the black flies not having hatched. Once the black flies hatch, the fish no longer have larvae to munch on and are more lured to the fisherman's lure. Our camping neighbors from Wisconsin said the fish they were getting were about 10 inches shy of their average catch of 26-27 inch fish. They fish for Pike, Walleye and Trout. We have seen the fisherpeople come back through the campground with these fish nearly as big as their smiles.

Baby, I'm Back!

Home away from home...

For those of you who are of yet unacquainted with my love of the forest and the wild, here is my most favoritest place to be!

This wonderful tent sleeps 8-10 or so, and even comes with cupholders and a porch light. It also has a valet pouch for keys, etc. and a screen roof so you can view the stars at night.

We left on Friday May 30 with no children. Though they both were scheduled to go with us, Ben didn't want to go anywhere he had already been (i.e. too into video games and paint ball to waste his time with nature! - This from the child that wanted to move there and live off the land!) and Jessica's mother decided to throw a wrench in the deal by telling her daughter that she had another option - during Brian's time. During that option time, she proceeded in telling her daughter that it was only those two, that Brian had abandoned her for his family and that he doesn't love her anymore.

What an excellent time for a vacation!!! It was nice to get away from it all. Up there, we didn't have many neighbors. No partiers. Just some friendly folks like us up there to get as close to the undeveloped wilderness as possible.



Despite my desire to put the tent up while it was light out, Brian wanted to drive through the woods in the dark. Especially after a long day driving through Minneapolis traffic with near constant construction detours, the woods can look awfully sinister. Corners are often so sharp you don't see them until they are there. The light from the headlights gives the trees and the brush shades of gray hues. The craggy branches lunge out from the body of the woods.

One thing that we have discovered about the woods, and perhaps that others that live up there have taken for granted is the lack of road kill. This is due to the natural balance of the land that we no longer have here. We eliminated it years ago as we forced our populations onto the wilderness. Wonder why? The northwoods have the natural tool to clean up such messes - wolves.

Why Indeed

Where have I been?

I have been sleeping. and I don't want this to be a bitch blog.

I miss all of you. I get so tired. I am tired of running a fever 24/7. I am tired of having a messy house. I am tired of my neighborhood. I am tired of not living.

I have this wonderful new camera that I have hardly used. I am eager to get out there and use it. I save my energy to get to work and earn a living and go to school to try to earn a better living and find a more satisfying employment.

How do I apologize for being a poor friend, sister, daughter, neighbor, mother, etc. When I do it too much, it sounds like excuses. So I just quit. I just shut up. So I did.

Yes, I am probably depressed, too. Wouldn't you be? So who cares. Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone. Not that I am crying. I really don't have the energy to do that. But on the bright side, I don't have the energy to get too riled about anything. It seems like apathy, but I am just not into a fight or any negative vibes.

So...my dream of having my loved ones with me to see the beauty that I have enjoyed for a few years now is going to have to wait. So Brian's ex is pulling her crap and threatening not to allow her daughter to go with us either. Oh well. So Nick is driving around in a car in my name with no insurance. So what. I am learning. It just isn't worth it.

My house is a mess. So what. My dog seems to be going blind. She will be fine.

When I am on my way to work I see so many things I want to photograph. Someday I will.

I am fine. I am alive. I am just here trying to get through this semester and the next...and get my degree. I am tired. I just need a nap and a vacation.

I'm not too talkative. Kind of quiet. It's okay. I will be back.

Love you all.

A

So Long Grandma

This weekend we all said our last good-byes to Grandma Renshaw.  This woman whom it seems I hardly knew.  In the days that she lived, she was defined by her family.  She was defined by her sons and her grandchildren.  

For me, Grandma was so quiet.  Her laugh was quiet.  She was nervous when too many people were around, yet lonely when they weren't.  I saw mere bits and pieces of who she was.  She seemed sad yet feigned a smile.  Her shaky writing told of the weather, the family and her battle with shingles.  

When I was not grown up yet, going to Grandma's house was an experience.  They lived in a house in a very small town.  When Grandpa was alive we used to have to go to the bar and see him after we greeted Grandma and caught up with things.  The house was Grandma.  You walked into the house and the small enclosed front porch had plants in it.  In the kitchen was where you would find Grandma most of the time.  She had Sanka and Folder's instant coffee.  Smells I recall and still think of on the rare occasion when I encounter them.  She had metal cabinets in the kitchen and '50s stars adorning the floor, the chairs and the table.  The refrigerator was old and required two tugs to open.  The ice was in the small freezer chamber at the top of the inside and within a door.  That is where we would get the ice that we would put in the colorful metal cups that were so much fun to drink out of.  Instant coffee and milk were put in the white and blue thick plastic cups and glasses.  A container of bacon grease was on the stove and saved for use in other recipes.  The radio would tell of farm news and weather announced from a larger nearby city if you were up early enough.  

The back porch held another refrigerator and perhaps a freezer.  You could see the cellar from there.  There was no basement.  There was a mound with a door on it.  That held certain canned goods and served as the shelter for tornadoes.  I saw it once with the door open, and saw enough to know that I didn't want to go down there.  The backyard held a rhubarb patch that was the start of the famous rhubarb bars she would make.  Was there an apricot tree?  The memories are fuzzy.

The dining room always seemed dark and was never used that I recall.  The chairs had worn leather seats that it seems were dangerous to sit on.  Or maybe we would just be told that so we would stay off them.  I think I recall working on crossword puzzles in there or something like that.  There was no china cabinet, but a small bureau.  There was a mirror that held so many pictures of our family.  She always seemed to have the most up to date photos of our cousins, so it was always exciting for us to look at.  

Off the dining room was the only bathroom in the house.  It was long and narrow.  When you first walked in, you saw the washer and drier.  There was also a drying rack that had towels on it.  I would also see things sitting on them like campo phenique?  Ben Gay, and other lotions and tinctures for what I thought were the grooming necessities for old people.  There was no tub, but a shower that was always loud if you dared to hit the side of.  

A step down from the dining room held the living room.  The living room held the only air conditioner that I recall.  It was next to Grandpa's chair.  Also by his chair was the tv tray that he used to work his crossword puzzles.  There was a bookcase that held his crossword dictionaries.  I also remember an ashtray stand by his chair.  The couch was masked by crocheted afghans.  Rugs buffered the carpet and were a constant source of tripping.  There was a toy area or box that had toy soldiers that we were told Ronnie and Donnie played with when they were young.  

Upstairs was a completely different adventure.  You opened the door and to the left, when you could find it was a switch with two push in buttons:  one for on and one for off.  The steep stairs creeked as you went up them.  If you stopped and turned halfway up the stairs, there was a shelf with games and the anatomic man (?)  Our favorite game as kids was the Battleship game.  Once you completed the climb up the stairs, you would see the large bedroom to the right which was Grandma's room.  The bed was always made and it was always clean.  The next bedroom was Ron and Don's room.  This was the source of so much fun for us.  A dresser held issue after issue of MAD magazine.  The top it seems, had many figures on them.  We had to be careful because we weren't supposed to touch them - which to children meant to be cautious and not to let anyone hear you touch them.  There were also many comic books that Don drew himself.  These were on thin paper that crinkled when you turned them.  He was good!  Grandpa's room was the room at the end of the hall.  He was snoring in there at night, and for children this was eerie.  Grandma would sleep on the other twin bed in there when we were visiting and would turn her queen bed over to mom and dad for the stay.

The summers were always hot there.  I recall having difficulty sleeping.  We always slept in Ron and Don's old room.  A fan would be in the window, and the noise would often distract us from the heat so we could sleep.  The most caution was needed to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.  The upstairs hallway was completely dark.  The switch was at the bottom of the steep steps.  Once you got that far, it was really no use turning it on.  The steps each creaked as you walked down them.  You tried to tread gingerly so you would not wake anyone.

When we were there, we would always go up and see the horse.  It seemed like it was such a walk, but on the recent trip back, it really wasn't that far.  We would also visit the school.  I think we would try on occasion to climb the old fire escape slide.  But mostly I think that we would yell up it to hear it echo.