Feels So Right

Yesterday I went on a job shadow.  I admit I was scared at first.  

The last human services job shadow I did was heart wrenching.  I went to a facility where they take care of kids with developmental disabilities.  I thought it would be a good fit.  Reading over the materials the place sounded great - sounded like a facility where I might send my children if they had the same conditions as these children.  The reality was different.  After I walked through the plush child-centered foyer, we went through security door after security door to get to the living area of these children.  We spent the time chasing down children performing task after task.  The person I was shadowing seemed somewhat harsh and unfeeling towards the children.  After force feeding the children, and cleaning up, I asked for her to show me the behavior plan that she was supposed to do with each of the children.  Each one had their own three ring binder.  She seemed annoyed with the request, but went through the motions quickly.  She was the most senior staff, having been there three months.  I left there and cried.

The shadow I did yesterday was completely different.  The person I was shadowing didn't need a three ring binder to tell her what to do with the children.  The children were allowed to have personalities.  One of the staff was even there sitting with the children on her day off!!!  It was NOT mechanical, but natural.  I was so impressed.  I could see the beauty of each child and wanted to know each one of them better.  

Knowing their histories - and their futures - perhaps it would be better not to become attached.  These are the kids whose legal guardians are the state of SD.  These are the kids who at 18 are thrown out into the world to fend for themselves.  Someone has to have hope for them.  I just hope it isn't too late.    

A Break...Or will I allow it?

Finally, after a whirlwind semester, followed by graduation, then finals (I know!), and grad school application deadlines, I have a break!

Oh, what to do next?! Such luxurious (boredom?)... I have a list of the things I have wanted to do FOREVER, or so it seems. Read, paint, learn French, clean, journal, draw, go on a photo shoot, spruce up the neighborhood blog, play with photoshop, watch all the movies I have missed, brush the dogs, meet with family, scan old photos, weed out, cook, bake, exercise, organize, sleep, drink wine, learn to crochet etc. The list doesn't end.

I have wanted to do all these things, yet I told myself, "not until you are done with your work." Now have I forgotten how to play? I am in need of some good books that will draw my attention and suck me in. My old favorites aren't pulling me in like they did. I am so easily distracted with guilt after all this time. I think I have forgotten.

I will soon be employed somewhere. Even so, I am not used to working full-time without going to school, too. So, where do I start to relax, enjoy things I used to, learn some new things at my own pace?

Next week the dance card begins to fill up. I have at least 7 appointments. Perhaps more as more calls are returned. I would like to put some time into a hobby or some leisure activity. How do I start?

Happy New Year!!!

What would the new year be without 6 patrol cars, a fire engine and an ambulance?  This was the scene this morning when it was time to walk the dogs.  When we approached the apartment, an officer was cautiously approaching with his hand on his holster.  Shortly after, his backup arrived.  They then approached and entered the building.  The story from the rowdy kids outside was that a man broke out a window with his hand and was holding his stomach and there was blood everywhere.  Fifteen minutes later, a man with a white gauzed hand walked outside escorted by officers and EMTs.  Excitement over.