Crawling out of my skin

My demons within are rearing. I have tried to prepare myself for this, but there is only so much I can do. Those who have lived with me know this about me... This horrid creature is called OCD. When I went home to help with Jessica's tonsillectomy, I couldn't stand the disorder. I couldn't wait to get back home to the order. Now I am living in this mess of moving.

My therapist used to leave the rice from play therapy on the floor for my session. I could handle it for an hour. This is more than an hour. The anxiety of living this for weeks on end is going to be my undoing. My anxiety level is high. I can't wait until Thursday but until then, the misery is not leaving me. There is no way to escape it. I know I can leave the house, but have to come back to it.

When I moved here, I had everything unpacked and put away in a short amount of time. I think, possibly one or two days. I definitely found a way to have most of the house in order at all times. I couldn't handle living with boxes all over the place. Now there are boxes and boxes and boxes. I can't move around. I can't go anywhere where everything is in its place where it should be for me to inhale and exhale properly. I keep catching myself holding my breath, tensing my muscles, and being very edgy.

My friend Kim is coming this evening. This is a relief. She and I can laugh about it and drink some wine and somehow I hope things will be better. Until then, I have to try to work some semblance of a life around the boxes and the monster.

and i cannot find the charger for my camera battery!

S. O. S.