Monday, December 31, 2007

White transformation
















At Eric and Mel's



















At the falls...


















Get this crap off my back. It's cold!



















What the...?

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Happy Birthday! I feel like frosty!


Happy Holidays!

The work is done and now it is time for me to play. I have a new toy to play with, too. When I stop drooling over it, I have managed to play with it a bit. Hmmm... Should I share? Perhaps not. Eric knows.

So far, no Christmas tree up. It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas - in every house but ours ... So why is that? I just got done with school on Wednesday. All the papers are in and all the tests are in. I napped the day away yesterday after shopping. That was the first time for Christmas shopping. I want to run downtown for a bit. But, I also have Christmas gifts to bake. I was so naughty last year when I told Mel that I had been giving out my infamous caramel corn for years hadn't Eric shared? The look on her face was priceless. But now the word is out that last year was the first year that I had shared it with my family. I had brought it to work for years.

I just don't know where to begin playing! I feel so excited. My house is such a mess, that I think it is easy to tell that I am the main cleaner or enforcer. Occasionally it gets to Brian, but the children are completely blind to it.

There is so much I want to do. I have some learning to do with my new toy, I have videos that I have not watched, websites and blogs I have not visited, not to mention my own that I have not kept up on. I have news that I have to share, but that is something of a downer, so I won't do that. Perhaps I shall begin anew.

I just feel so unchained! It is wonderful, but where do I start. The writers strike came at a perfect time, so I can no longer see new episodes of my favorite shows. Some that I thought were completed have turned out to be not showing until after the strike. Not that I watch much television, but more cable shows that are beyond interesting to me. Sundance and IFC are among my favorites. But lately I have seen more than enough football. My Bears are playing today.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Silent Night


A tough night of studying. This is Maggie, my notebook and my MacBook on my lap. This is what homework is about here. I have 5 papers due by Monday and a final that I should take Thursday. Hopefully I will have more to talk about later.

Also, one for the ego. I donated two of my photos to a silent auction fundraiser. They sold to one very interested buyer who was elated that she had top bid on them. Still waiting to find out what that was, but it really doesn't matter. I am just happy that she wasn't looking for a good deal on picture frames...

Friday, November 23, 2007

What would you do?

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

Look into the statement. No, if you are reading on right away, you are not thinking about it. This statement is about voice. The voice we all have in us and the vision that is halted by the rut. I would really like to.... If I had a million dollars I would... In a perfect world... If I didn't have to support my family I would...

We all have it. If you are reading my blog, I know it is very strong in you!

Every once in awhile I will get a craving for orange sherbet, a homemade chocolate-chip cookie, a steaming hot cup of Constant Comment... In all of our lives we occasionally get the craving for something we cannot put our finger on. This is the voice trying to come out. It is quite unsettling. You may grab that chocolate-chip cookie, but that isn't it. You may go run 5 miles, but it is still there. You may take a vacation or go shopping, but the craving won't go away. It is the voice in you wanting to scream. It is the clash of the average day times 100 or so and your inner drive.

Today that craving hit. So hard that I felt like vomiting and crying at the same time. Reading my last post made it all that much worse.

I don't have a vision, I have several. I would like to open a shop that has curiosities. Bits N Pieces meets Starbucks. Tiffany's Bakery meets Mad magazine. Dr. Phil meets Cheers. Intimate meets gregarious. Music meets technology. Warm fireplace meets laughter. I can smell it. I can taste it. I can feel it. But like the rest of you, I subdue it. I subdue it for "survival". Today it wants to come out. Today I ask if I am really surviving. Is what I am currently doing anywhere near the path I want to walk down?

I find it difficult sometimes to go to class and go to work in such a rigid world. My Juvenile Delinquency professor asked us to identify the one theory we felt most describes the cause of juvenile delinquency. I thought and thought, I read and read. I reread and rethought. Finally I told him that it would be like taking a med student into a hospital and asking him to identify the one disease he thought was the reason all the people were in there. For the wealthy sociopath it may be the Trait Theory. For the kid in the gang, it may be Strain Theory. For the convict's son it may be Social Learning. For the eighth grade dyslexic, it may be social reaction. There is no one theory, and until God or The Flying Spaghetti Monster stops making us all unique, there will be no one theory.

What beats me up in the world is my "survival". I think that it is the cause of great distress. This leaves me wondering why I am "surviving". I know that I am capable of greatness.

Wynton Marsalis said in his episode of Iconoclasts with John Besh that as long as you have something to fall back on, you will fall back on it.

Okay, so Donald Trump, as much as I dislike the bastard, made a good point. After going bankrupt and being several $M in the hole, he looked over at a homeless man and noted that the man was wealthier than he was.

So what do I have to lose? And what will happen if I lose it? I think I have one foot on my need for stability and the other on trying to figure out how to accomplish my vision. Strange bedfellows indeed. Something has been emerging. In a way, I am beginning to figure out that I don't care about my job. Do you know how much more relaxed that makes me feel? (I giggle) There is a smiling Tasmanian Devil in me right now. Today, I believe in me. The number of days I believe in me increases. So, is this confidence? For so long I have aspired to be confident. I have looked to others. I have followed the "rules". I have been different but not too different. I have been afraid. I have beat myself up. I am wearing myself out like that. It was supposed to be the path of least resistance. If that is true, then why am I so stressed. If that IS the path of least resistance, than why does it feel like I am one person attempting to move a stone wall? Hmm...I'll be back.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Ten minutes

At last I have a few minutes to travel to blog world. Now I don't know what to say. It has been so long...where to start.

I have so many excuses for NOT blogging. Of them include the guilt of doing something nonproductive when I should be doing homework.

My leadership class has been something of an eye-opener for me. My Juvenile Delinquency class appears to be a younger version of criminology. I really don't care to review what I have already learned. This teacher seems to be a stickler at my weak points - names of people who have created the theories. So, the last assignment took me 4 weeks to do and now I have 3 weeks to complete the next 3 papers and take my test. Whee....!

My little Maggie has been affectionately my little butt pimple. She sleeps with me and is usually right there... According to her, the sun rises and sets on me. The poor thing! She is such a timid dog except when she is doing her neighborhood watch job and yelling at those that walk by unannounced.

Hopefully more later. My 10 minutes was interrupted and now is gone.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Friday, November 02, 2007

Interesting....

The Shock Doctrine Short Film, Coming Soon

Monday, October 08, 2007

Where am I?

I can't seem to locate me. That is why I have not posted. I am in a quicksand of blah. I am angry and sad and frustrated and just not me. I am questioning and procrastinating and sleeping and sleeping. I don't feel like talking, deciding, writing, reading or anything. I wake up every morning just to do the daily Sudoku. I have a ton of unanswered e-mails, unfinished assignments, unattended to mailings, unwatered plants. I am a walking question mark. Depressed? Who knows. I don't think about it that much. I am too busy doing nothing. I really don't have a legitimate reason. I will write when it changes, I think.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Today's Mire




















The adventurous spirit is with me today. I want to do something. If I think about staying in, I want to paint and come up with a design for the space over my cabinets. I want more if a European cabinet design. I should have gone all the way up with them. I'm sure I can add at some point...














My heart would really like to venture up to the Northwoods again. I still want to see my moose, or sit still and let nature come to me. Like the grayjays, and the red fox with his black boots, or the bear, or the buck...and hear the call of the loon and the pileated woodpecker with its bright afro.
















What a helluva week! It was crazy at work all week. Not a good time to go off the antidepressants. I was so irritable and I had the racing thoughts I just couldn't catch up with. I go back and forth on my desire to keep taking these. Do they suppress the real me? Do they calm me down enough to think at a rational speed? When all I want to do is sleep, can I really be living a quality life? Depression is such a prickly pest. It is the psychiatrist's new fad and quite lucrative for pharmaceutical companies. Are we a society evolving into this condition? In abnormal psyche, I learned that most psychological conditions can only be addressed by getting the beast under control. I can understand that. I don't want to be on these the rest of my life, but the rational thinking tends to go to the wayside when my mail-order company is in no hurry to dispense my meds. Oh, and can I ever get crabby! I hate that. When I do feel like that, I tend to shut up. I tend to just stay away from people because I don't like them anyway! I do realize that in the future, I will like them again, so it is best not to chomp their heads off!

The A.L. announced a writer's group finally has been started in the area. I may go to that. I need to hone my pen.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Double Take

I had to do a double take when I saw DUM's photo from (I believe) downtown Sioux Falls. It seems we have mirrored perspectives of different buildings. That makes me feel so unoriginal. Or so copied! Not really. I am sure I could never compete with the likes of a photojournalist like DUM.

The Carpenter Building ©2001 Theande Photos

This photo of mine from The Carpenter Building(?) is actually a minimized version of the photo I took years ago standing at the bottom of the Sears Tower and the building beside it in downtown Chi-town. The grid in those photos is more flat and appears as if you are looking at a tiled floor. If I had a working scanner, I would upload those images, but, as it were, I don't so I will have to go back to Chicago and take them with my digital camera so I can upload to the computer. DUM, how do you get your copyright on your photos? Perhaps my bro can assist with that...

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Mr. K and Bertha

An update on "Ben's Wild Ride"

When I was talking to people at work about Ben's wild ride, I also told them about the principal that thinks that it is okay to intimidate high school kids.

One girl said that he used to be at a school she went to and he was a jerk then. Another said that her husband was beaten by him with a 2 x 4 when he was in 5th grade. Apparently Mr. K. called said 2 x 4 "Bertha". J. didn't tell his mother about it until the 5th beating. She had words with Mr. K. and he didn't do it again. I told Ben about this and he wondered why they didn't file charges against him. That was 25 years ago, when children were beaten into submission and it was okay. But I wonder...if the statute of limitations hasn't run out on all those clergy that sexually abused kids, wouldn't it still be possible to press charges? It is unbelievable that he is still in the school system.

Oh, by the way, if you really want to piss him off, call him a turkey...(Freak!)

Wordsmith

Corporatespeak -

I hate it. It is the little words that are virtually meaningless that seem to bug the hell out of me. During meetings I used to have to listen to the words ala mode tossed from each seat at the table. The worst I have ever heard was at HTI. Goodness gracious - they even had a tone. Statements were intoned as questions. Try it....It is supposed to sugar coat the statement in a way that felt like fingernails down a chalkboard to me.

Now I listen to the current corporate speak and it has the same effect. "Going forward" is the new beginning of a "from now on" or "in the future"-type sentence. "That is a correct statement" or "it is a correct statement" is what is now used in lieu of "that's right" or "That's true". I think I need to think of counter-statements and I would like your input as well. I was thinking of saying, "Going backward" instead of saying, "In the past...".


Oh, I found out why she hates her mother. Her father used to beat the living hell out of her and her mother would never say anything about it. Of course, she in her adulthood would not understand the probable danger her mother would be in if she HAD said something. Not that it was necessarily the best way to handle it, but we are talking about years ago when things were a lot different. They really didn't have a Children's Inn or places like that. Women who spoke up about things happening in their home were "airing their dirty laundry" or "probably deserved it". Not only that - a family's livelihood depended on the man's income. Instead of understanding this, she judges and damns her mother.

I have a problem with people that don't speak to their parents. People that hold grudges for years and years and feel it is right to punish them. I think that I have the opposite problem. I can't stand it that my dad can only talk on the phone for so long...or comes over for a little bit and gets antsy to leave. I must be a freak! I think I want to get to know my parents.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Ben's Wild Ride

When I came home from work Thursday, Ben told me about his lunch hour. I signed a form earlier in the week allowing him to have open lunch. Open lunch allows the kids to leave school. This is a privilege for all students but only this year open to juniors. Anyway, Ben and three friends took off on open lunch and soon after were followed by a patrol car. A few minutes later when they were stuck in traffic, the lights came on.

I should first tell you that Ben and his friends are all conscientious young men. Their worst faults seem to be an addiction to video games and the swearing that often accompanies it. I know this, because we never seem to have just Ben here, but Ben and his friends. There was a boy that hung around them that got hooked on drugs last summer - through people he met at work. He was out of the group - they wouldn't do things with him and he had different friends, as those with substance abuse problems do. As things happen, he got in trouble with the law, and went through rehab. He is only now clean and will hang out with them again. They are shy boys and not the type at all that would go out of their way to do anything wrong.

The driver of the car, C., is also very shy. He is not one of the main group yet, but gives Ben and his friend E. a ride to school every morning. When I met him, he blushed. Yes, that shy. Anyway, picture a boy stuck in traffic, with a police car behind him with the lights on, trying to find a place to pull over when traffic wouldn't cooperate. I imagine he was quite nervous.
Finally he pulled into a parking lot, yet had to drive a bit more to find a place to stop that wouldn't be blocking parking lot traffic. When he was finally stopped, the officer came to the window with his hand on his gun, and told C. to step out of the car. He made C. lay over the top of his patrol car while he searched him. They thought he was trying to evade them. Soon another patrol car came and asked the rest of the boys to get out. They were asked for their I.D.s and Ben was the only one that had his. Then they accused the boys of truancy. They explained that they had open lunch. Two police SUVs pulled up with the police dog. The dog searched the car and it was clean. They finally let the boys go, but I think one of them accompanied them back into the school for a meeting with the principal. Apparently the only reason they said they were pulled over was because of a crack in the windshield and a loud muffler. They let C. off with a warning.

So then Ben had to deal with Mr. K.. Of all the boys, he said, Ben was the only one that didn't have open lunch. This confused Ben, because they had given him the form to fill out for it and I had signed it and he turned it in. The principal looked it up and Ben was one point short of being qualified for open lunch. So, he said he was truant. Ben was given after school suspension. Then the principal asked Ben if he was afraid when they searched the car. Ben said, "No, because none of us do drugs!"


I thought this was BS. Friday, the kids didn't have school, but I called anyway and talked to Mr. K. He is an asshole. He said he had to be consistent. Ben skipped school and had to be punished just like the rest. The suspension would be on his high school record. I asked him if being truant didn't imply intent. He agreed. I told him Ben was not like that. He wouldn't skip school. We argued back and forth until I got the suspension revoked and his sentence altered to a 1/2 hour study table that he could do before school and wouldn't be on his record.

Hmm...why do I have a problem with authority?

Monday, August 27, 2007

By The Way

I said in Sunday's post that I had to go take pictures of the neighborhood before the scary people came out. Too late. I got several hollers as I was photographing the worst of the homes. I also got a very intent look from one of the women who was also showing some sort of gang symbol with her hand. I wonder if they know I was the one that called the other morning to report two men walking around with baseball bats not looking like they were going to play a nice recreational game. This was also early in the morning.

Check out the photos and the new blog.

A Trip to the Country

A hot humid hazy day in the country...


My mind wanders and wonders what this looked like years ago when this was all wild prairie.





There are fields of sunflowers, then there are fields of ANDEFLOWERS. These poor things can't stand the bright sunlight. So they had their heads down.



Trees are not natural to this part of South Dakota. Most of the trees you see out in the country either are or were shelter belts for homes and farms. Years ago before the land was settled, the government was giving the land away - one requirement was to plant a certain number of trees. These were called tree claims. If you notice as you drive, many trees are leaning from the strong wind and many are dead, dying or unhealthy. Just outside Luverne Minnesota, Jim Brandenburg is trying to bring back the praire with his Touch the Sky Prairie Foundation


How many dreams were trod into the dry land during the dustbowl? Many failed at farming and simply left everything behind. Maybe this was a family that did that...


The cows are quite cliquey. I tried to get in on the conversation, but they would have none of it.

Those laying down did stand up when I said, "Say, Cheese! Show the world that South Dakota cows are happy cows!" I don't think they liked that.



This is the photo that I took before the second one from the left made moves to charge me. I think the cow on the left is his wife and she is not nuzzling him, but trying to hold him off. Before we left (I wish I would have had taken that photo) she had to put her whole body in front of him.
Aaah...the country...

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Surreality

Two nights ago, while the weather was walloping areas south of us, we were presented with a certain orange/pink sometimes blue glow. I couldn't help but get my camera out hoping that it would capture these colors. It did to a certain degree. Too bad they don't bury our power lines. If I weren't so tired, I would have been up for some chasin'!









POOKA: !

Friday, August 17, 2007

Meat In the Stew!

I now have a new blog to stay tuned to. Not that I wasn't catching it occasionally hoping there were new posts anyway...but I'm lovin' it!

My dad is blogging! He's a blogger! Best of all, he opened up and showed a little ankle...

He is beginning to write about his human side. I love it! It is difficult to do at times, because you are posting it for all to see. You can be accessed by anyone. What I have found in my life, is that the best response I get is when I talk about the flaws in myself, or my weaknesses... There certainly are some that I leave out, but there are so many I put in.

When you acknowledge and bear your flaws to others, they embrace that part of you. They do so because it is a part of them. We all have flaws. Why do we like comedians? What do they talk about? Why do we laugh? Either they are bringing up quirky things that we never thought of ourselves or they are hitting that part of us that says, "I know!!! I feel like that, too!" They question or remark on the human condition and that is why we laugh. Of course, they put it in a funny way... (By the way, J., sorry I forgot to return that CD today. It was wonderful! Thank you for brightening my days at work!)

Okay, let me spew more of my human condition onto the digital pages here... I read my dad's blog and my brother's comments and hear comments from other people and realize that the way they see me is not quite the way I see myself. I feel lazy, constantly pushing to get things done, forgetful, weak and whiney. They see me apparently as strong and determined. Huh? I wonder if I am a hypochondriac and sometimes believe that if it were not for the numbers, I would be just that.

I guess I dwell on things that have been said that really brought me to my knees...After repeated sinus infections my dr. sent me to an ear, nose and throat guy. Dr. S. took an MRI and looked up my nose and on my next appointment said that I don't have sinus problems. He also wrote in his report that I was very emotional. I guess you are supposed to be extra chipper when your face and head are pounding and someone says that they find nothing wrong. So, I decided despite my opinion and that of my doctor, I don't have sinus problems. In a way, that is what got me into this whole mess. I had sinus headaches and faceaches and drainage but I was going to tough it out. Plus, we are becoming so desensitized to antibiotics that our bodies are losing the ability to heal themselves. I went to the doctor on July 4th because of vertigo. I couldn't even study because reading - even sitting still and especially on a computer - was making me feel like I was car sick. Since I can't feel ear infections, I thought I had better go in and get it taken care of so I wouldn't have to miss any work or worse yet, any blogs or blogging! The rest, as they say, is history. Now I am all whiney and emotional again!

I have had the fevers and the night sweats for at least a year. My doctor said she thought it was peri-menopausal. Isn't that special. If it were peri-menopausal, then THAT would be the problem because I am not that friggin' old!! I know that menopause brings hot flashes, but they call them FLASHES because they are brief span of time when you feel warm. NOT because you are constantly running a fever. Does a flash of lightening stay for a year? NO! It flashes!

Doctors have really poor memories, too. The ID (infectious disease doctor) came in early one morning as I was waking up. Before she felt my glands, she touched the drenched back of my head and said, "yes, there definitely is something going on here". She ordered oodles of tests, but said in the end it may be peri-menopausal or "fever of unknown origin". Here we go again. I thought that is what I was in for!

Farmer in the dell...

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Perhaps this will open a new segment or a diversion away from my bitching blog.

The word for the day was provided for us by a neighbor I was speaking with in my driveway at 5:00 am today. She was speaking of the downfall of her attempt to begin her own N.Watch group:

She said it was due to her "pistofftiness".

My lack of response was not due to her admission, rather her choice of word and my inability to open my mouth without laughing my arse off.

"pis toff ti ness"- [pis awf-tee-nes]
-noun
1. a strong feeling of anger and belligerence aroused by the feeling the Sioux Falls PD is not doing their job coupled with a deep-seeded highly-charged emotional state from buried resentment.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Sighs all around

After holding our breath for days we all exhaled yesterday when the surgeon came out and said that surgery went well. She was given some blood but otherwise everything went well.

They came early for her yesterday as the previous surgery took less time than expected. I brought her up some flowers and a soft teddy bear that she didn't let go of and ended up taking into the OR with her. It was pretty tearful as she said to Kermit, "You have been a wonderful husband. Take care of yourself." Then as they wheeled his bride away, Kermit stood there alone, holding his hat with a horribly lost look on his face. Tears and sobs all around. Even Jess who never cries broke down.

They have a waiting room there that is wholly inconvenient and operated carelessly, I feel, for the family members of people in life-threatening conditions. They have a table set up with coffee (decaf or regular), sugar, creamer and splenda packets and stir straws. They have two phones for the nurses to contact you. The phones ring and it is ENTIRELY up to the family members to answer - there is no staff to answer the phone. (The family closest to the phones ends up being the family that needs to answer the phone for the rest of the room. There is one tv tuned to CNN on one side of the room. I didn't see a computer in that room, although there was in another waiting room that you are either not supposed to use (then why is it there?) or you are discouraged from using. (As the lady at the desk yells over to you, "Can I help you?")

So, after you see your family member off to the most dangerous surgery of their life, hoping that their weak bodies can make it through, you are left in a large waiting room with several other families, also baring their raw emotion and angst.

Our first call came 1 and 1/2 hour after she was rolled away. I know there is much prep and this call simply stated that the bypass surgery had started - first, they have to remove the artery from the leg, then they have to open her up, spread the ribcage and hook her up to the heart-lung machine. An hour and 1/2 later, the next call came. Surgery was going well. An hour and 1/2 later the next call came. All had gone well and they were finishing up. 1 and 1/2 hour later, they said that the the surgeon would be talking to us sometime between then and when she would be taken into her room an hour or so later. The surgeon said it went well and she was doing great! We could smile at that point. We are over the worst... Each day the prognosis looks better and better.

So, I should quit bitching about the waiting room. I will redo it later. Right now I have to cram for my final on Monday and clean between.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Two steps forward?

Okay, today was better than yesterday. When I went to the hospital, Mavis was sitting up and eating! That was wonderful after leaving last night when her pain levels in her chest were increasing before we left. I was seriously wondering if she would make it through the night. I went to work today knowing that I would have to take tomorrow off. Tomorrow will be triple bi-pass surgery.



She will be in surgery for around 5 hours. We need to be there at least by 10 a.m. if we wish to speak with her before surgery. From there, I guess they will try to take her off the respirator around 5 pm. She will be sleepy most of the rest of the day, so we will probably just go up and see her back in her room and let her know that we are still there. They will send folks out throughout the operation to let us know how it is going. Several times yesterday she said that she was ready to die. Today she did not say that once. She did, however, say that she wanted salt for her food. She is probably the only patient in the heart hospital that is sodium deficient. She will have to get orders from a doctor for that because nothing there is cooked with or comes with salt. I think that I will try to speak with someone regarding diet, so we know what we can do to help. Perhaps that loaf of banana bread and the oatmeal chocolate chip cookies weren't so good for her...

Both of them agreed that she should convalesce in a nursing home for at least the first week after she is out of the hospital. I would hate that myself, and felt like volunteering, but realize my limitations.

I guess the positives today were that she was sitting up and laughing and feeling better. The neutrals, are the surgery. Both dangerous and promising...

On another note, I got a call regarding the blood work from the Oncologist's office. Apparently she isn't ready to refer me yet. My white count was up from 13,100(?) 9 days ago to 15,300. I will have been off antibiotics for two weeks on Saturday. My temperature was 98.4, but I just got done chomping an entire glass of ice. (I should quit that before appointments.) When I got home, it was 99.3. Today it was 99.4. I don't know whether or not she and the pathologist completed the blood pathology or not. They were going to look at my blood under a scope and see if I had any small aliens in there. Anyway, for now I am to get my blood checked once a month for 3 months and go back to see her in November. (3 months from now - hard to believe! It's almost Christmas time already!)




Nick came over last night and talked my ear off again. It seems that he and his dad are fighting now...Huh? you're kidding! I guess perhaps it wasn't mom after all... Then he called me at work today and wouldn't let me get off the phone. Jeepers Criminy! It seems that thangs are a changin'.


P.S. Did you notice I didn't say sh** in this blog at all today??? :)

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Just let me crawl in a hole



You just can't make this stuff up. You just can't!!! Remember when I said what next? That regrettable statement that was out there hanging and I said, stay tuned? Well, here you go...

I was enjoying a perfectly rotten day at work. I was at the point of laughing because it was so pathetically bad. I was scheduled to get off at 12:15 to make it to my oncologist appointment. How much sh** can you stuff into one day? Well, the phone rang at 9:20 and I lost it! Brian's mother had a heart attack and was being taken by ambulance to Sioux Falls. Jess had been there since Saturday and last night they got into it. Mavis is 80 and wonderful. She says I am the daughter she always wanted. She is so upset by her granddaughter's behavior and wishes she had more grandchildren... I won't go into detail, but she hates to say that and this last week wasn't good for any of them. I finished my work and ran up to the hospital. She said that she is ready to go. (Please don't!) At this moment she is in the cath lab getting an angiogram and possible angioplasty.

I left when they began prepping her for surgery. On my way out, I saw my ex-father-in-law. My ex-mother-in-law was also in the heart hospital. They think she may have a blood clot. She and I are also close. (Yes, I still get along with the ex-in-laws)

They took blood at the oncologist before I left. My fever was down, but that was probably because I just got done chewing an entire glass of ice. I took it when I got home and it was back to 99.4. Basically what was said was that I should either be referred to a rhuematologist or an infectious disease specialist. Depending on the outcome of the blood tests we will see. So, hopefully the scary "C" word is out of the picture.

Just got an update on Mavis. She has 2 total calcified blockages and 1 partial blockage. 3 choices, medication that could land her back up there within the year, angioplasty which could land her back up there in 5 years, or bipass surgery which, although it would have the best long term effects, would have the highest risk at this point.

Oh, to add to it all, Jess has been nagging her dad to go to the fair. She sent me a text asking me "why does this always happen to me?" - as in why do my plans always get ruined? I told her that this was not the time I even told her that her Grandma could die! (I am not usually that blunt, but she pushed me to the limit!) To which she replied, "It's my grandma and I know she won't die". I told her she should be a doctor, because she's the only one that knows that! Not even the doctors know at this point - but wait, that would mean that she would have to think about someone besides herself. Not cool, kid. How can you teach a 14 year old empathy? Is it too late? This is where she always gets in trouble. This is the kind of thinking that will land her in prison or a mental institution.

Monday, August 06, 2007

Why so Angry?

Filling out the forms tonight for the oncologist, I began to get angry. In so many ways I feel like shouting! When I am signing a consent for treatment form that says that I consent to the following:
"All medical nd surgical treatment, x-ray, laboratory and other medical and hospital procedures as may be performed or prescribed by my physician or any person (including other physicians to be consulted, assistants and hospital personnel) who may be designated. It also follows with "Sanford conducting training programs in which students or practitioners in areas of health care learn under supervision and may be involved in my care" stating that I approve of that.

I am having nightmares here. Who in their right mind would sign a form like this? Giving preauthorization to whatever they feel like doing to me? What if 20 interns need experience at rectal exams? Skrew that! What am I? a freakin' guinea pig. Most folks would say, oh, don't worry about it. I guess I am just not a very trusting person. In the hospital, I was just livid that I had to have an I.V. when I was taking my antibiotics and other medication orally.... What the hell? The doctor said just in case they needed to give me something I.V. Meanwhile, the I.V. was driving me nuts. It has a thin plastic end that stays in the vein. It had twisted so that my vein was 90 degrees off what it was when I went in. The plastic thing was bent and they kept having to straighten it out and retape it. Things like that make me woozy. I just picture the strain of the plastic piece twisting my vein and poking through. Sure, I know that veins are made of 3 layers of muscle, but it still grossed me out. Then there was the urine sample - the one I couldn't be trusted to give them on my own, so they did with a catheter. I love those! That ordered by the doctor from "A Series of Unfortunate Events". Lemony Snicket, have I got some story lines for you!

But now I am wondering what I am so angry about. Really, is that the real reason? I don't want to be poked and prodded and violated anymore. I just want an answer. I am so irritable and tense. My head is pounding and I feel like I am throwing a tantrum of words here. "It's not fair!!!" I used to say when I was little. It wasn't. It isn't now. I know that I am too old for it, but bawling and throwing myself down on the floor kicking and screaming sure sounds appealing. I think I know how 2 and 3 year-olds feel. That feeling you get inside where you are tired of controlling your anger and your angst! You just want to let it all out so that lump in your esophagus goes away. You want that pressing feeling just above your ears to go away. You want to let the tears fly without caring what anyone thinks. You want it to all go away.


I'm an adult now. I should be stoic. I shouldn't be writing these words knowing that others will read them. Unless, of course, their reading them liberates them as much as it does me writing them. Maybe it will. Then I will feel better. Otherwise I feel like such a whiner.

I met J. in the hall today. She just caught up on my blog. I apologized for whining and she said that she thought I was a strong person and very determined. Thank you, J. That helps. If I do write a book someday, you will have a special spot in it. You have helped me not feel so bad about my rantings.

Friday, August 03, 2007

This Is Beginning To Take on A Theme...

I would like to say this has been a good week, but it has instead been teary and stress-filled. Where to start? Monday...presentation isn't done yet. I spend an hour at the doctor's office listening to him tell me that he has no idea what is wrong with me and listening to the med student outside the examination room saying that he was wracking his brain trying to figure out what it could be. They must have been looking at a bug on a wall, huh? I received copies of my diagnostic tests and sent them to my teacher who is passing them on to his pathologist friend. Eric said I need "House". I have been referred to what they said was a hematologist/oncologist that is listed in the phone book as an oncologist. That doesn't do well for the mood.

Tuesday meh! The usual work crap. The oncologist thing didn't really hit me until after the nurse called with the appointment at the cancer center. I cried. I try to be optimistic, but gee, I don't have the energy for that very often. My flowers have been dying since my hospital visit. Both the ones in the vases and the ones outside. I just want a REALLY GOOD THUNDERSTORM! I had to be at school an hour early to work with my presentation partners. We were presenting on Wednesday, but most of the work was already done by me here. We organized their slides and went to class. He handed the tests back and gave me a hard time because the best grade I got was on the material covered the week I was out.

Wednesday was probably the worst. When I got to work, my tuition reimbursement papers were sitting there returned again. I had to prove that I took the Sociology class through USD and the Cognitive Psyche class at USDSU. They wrote in big letters that the tuition costs didn't match the tuition rates for the schools. Yes, they did but . She she returns my papers every semester wanting more proof. This semester it was twice. Thank goodness I keep copies of everything. I wanted to comment on this because the business office at school says that they haven't had this problem with any other W- employee and their tuition reimbursement program. But I refrained. Also of note, even though I include the phone number of the business office along with their letters to W- stating that they can contact them if they need further information, Wells Fargo WON'T. If that isn't enough, they cross through the notes and letters with red ink. What bullshit!



As soon as I got home I saw that Nick had mail from his new employer. I opened it, knowing what it was probably about. Sure enough, the legal problems were on their background check despite the fact that it hasn't gone to court yet, it was just a charge. I had to call him at work, because he already had his notice in and was training his replacement. I also called his dad and said that he may wish to get some legal advise on this. Nick called and found out that they have no interest in hiring him until it is cleared up. So much for car payments... Then Brian called and needed me to bring him his keys because he took the work vehicle home and left his car keys here. I had to be to school in one hour and I was still running around like a chicken with its head cut off. I still had to do some refinements on the presentation. Just as I hung up with Nick's dad, my neighbor called to see how I was doing...Presentation or no, I had to run. On the way to work, two fighting drunken women were blocking traffic on 11th street. Anyway, when we got up to do our presentation, the pictures on the powerpoint wouldn't show up. I sure hope that doesn't affect our grade. The teacher said that the problem was that I had a Mac, but I say the problem was that they have a PC. I can get PC crap on my Mac, but it just doesn't work the other way. You would think an educational institution would be up to date and state of the art. Bah ha ha!!

Thursday was study night. Eric saved my butt by bringing me a VGA adapter so the f***ing PC based projector would be able to hook up to my Mac! Nick stopped by and talked my ear off. I couldn't get him to talk when he lived here and I can't get him to shut up now. Then Ben came home. He also talked my ear off. I had to study!!

Today's excitement was taking the test and finding out I narrowly escaped with a 'C'- not acceptable in my book, so that is going to place additional stress on studying for the final.

I got the mail when I got home and here was a letter from Xcel Energy and I quote, "Dear current resident, Our information system shows that we have no responsible party to bill energy service to at the address listed above. Please contact our Customer Service Department immediately if you wish to continue service at this address. If we do not receive a reply within 10 days from the date of notification, the energy service may be discontinued." What the F***?! This is what I get for living here and paying the electric bill religiously for 17 years??? Frankly you can't find a more responsible person when it comes to paying bills!!! I have ulcers from being so responsible! I resent that statement! What the hell. I might as well start being irresponsible if this is all the credit I get.



I made the mistake of saying, "what else?!" I should know better! I will keep you updated.

Waterfall Revelations (so named because of the revelations I have in the shower)

This is going to be brief because I have but a moment...

Have you ever had a dream where you meet someone and fall in love? They do those little things that mean so much. Those things that show that you are on their mind...They know your idiosyncrasies (like having to have the remotes lined up parallel next to each other on the coffee table and wiping the water stains off the sink and faucet)and they think they are cute? And in this dream, you have a months worth of dates and meetings and really get to know them? And you fall head over heels in love? Then you wake up and realize that you are heartbroken and you don't know why until bits and pieces of the dream begin coming back...and you really miss this fictitious person that you have only really spent hours of your sleep with????

Yeah, me neither....

Have a good day. I have to get back to studying.

Friday, July 20, 2007

I'm back

Here I am, back from the world of semi-private gowns and .9% sodium solutions hanging in bags from metal poles! I think the fever got to me as I was thinking of .38 Special changing their song to "Caught up in Tubes" as I was trying to maneuver things as simple as using the bathroom. More than once I ended up pulling the IV half way out of the vein, only to have the damn machine beep about an occlusion.
I gave so many vials of blood I lost count (Drucula?). I had my 5 a.m. draw and my 6 p.m. draw. I know they were giving it to that phlebotomist, Actually once, they accidentally took 3 extra vials - they reassured me that I wouldn't be charged for it, so I don't think they got my point... Would you believe I'm more anemic? Go figure! The longer I sat up there the more I thought about the movie "Coma". I actually thought up some science fiction story ideas while I was up there, only to forget them now. I think that is a good sign.

My admitting doctor began looking more and more sinister each day. The pinch at the top of his nose grew longer and longer. Since my fluid intake/output was normal, there really was no reason for me to be hooked up to an IV. The nurses didn't understand it and neither did I. It was just a pain in the ass to deal with.

I must say the best part of the whole visit was the food. Each morning I had a belgian waffle. 1/2 with syrup and butter, 1/2 with strawberries in sauce. I also had the fruit plate whenever I could. There is nothing like fresh fruit, cut by someone else... The bruschetta chicken, despite rave reviews was one of the worst things I had - the noodles were far from al dente and the flavor was dilute. The taco salad wasn't bad. In my usual fashion, I would eat the lettuce first, then mix the rest to use for the dip for the chips. I had the vegetables and dip and ordered more chocolate milk than I ever got. I had a Freschetta pizza one night that was excellent. Along with a salad that consisted of a few long pieces of lettuce laying somewhat elegantly next to a few shreds of red cabbage and carrot. The iced tea was great! Fresh brewed... The coffee wasn't all that bad either, considering.

I hated being stuck inside with the first weather for the last month happening outside. It made me sad. Especially since I was going to walk down to watch the clouds and my IV beeped that the battery was low and had to be plugged in. :( The wireless service was nice, but bucked most of my applications that used it. I had to get creative to send and receive e-mail. It was too complicated for my frustrated self to keep doing every time I read or sent mail. (Sorry to those who wrote me and I didn't respond.)

Thank you to everyone for all the thoughts and prayers and the flowers and well-wishing. I wish I could tell you that they found it and fixed it, but I can't do that. All I can say is that they found a piece of metal in my head that has nothing to do with anything except that it is hilarious in some way since I have absolutely no idea where it came from. My head is now the butt of many jokes, including my own, as I picture my children purchasing large magnets so they can mess with my head. What if it rusts? What if I get tetanus? What if it is a chip? What if someone is controlling my thoughts? What if they just made me type that? and that? and that?....(mirror in a mirror)

:)

Monday, July 16, 2007

I Hate Monday Surprises

Well, I thought when I went in to get my white count checked that it was just a routine thing. I thought the numbers would be continuing down. I didn't give it a second thought. Now I am posting my blog from Sanford Hospital. They don't know what is wrong with me and are determined to find out. So far, I had a CAT scan. Tomorrow I meet with Dr. Sanchez-solar? the Infectious Disease Specialist. I am trying to find a way to get my lectures recorded. They said I could be here several days. I asked about visitors and they said only close family and friends. If this does turn out to be contagious, I don't want anyone else to get it. The white count is high and the viral numbers are low. So, it is not likely to be contagious, but I would really feel bad if someone else gets it. They are mentioning lumbar puncture (spinal tap) again. This time I said I wanted to be sedated. I don't care how little time it takes - it is excrutiating. More excrutiating is the 6 hours I have to lay flat on my back following the procedure so I don't get a headache. I am not good at sitting still for long.

Bummer. I hate this. :( Pardon my self pity. I think about all the time that I will have for calling city officials, studying for Physiology...

I donated another 8 vials of blood today. More blood cultures, more tests. I am sure that once the dr. gets ahold of me, I will be more of a pin cushion.

Well, good night all. Wish me luck!

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Good riddence Sioux Falls DQ

I did give up on Dairy Queen several years ago. I didn't like their ice milk. It had no flavor and I just felt like I was eating frozen lard. My stomach wasn't digesting it well and my taste buds were mature. A few years ago, my mature tastebuds found themselves in a small town. It was the day after tornado tuesday. I ordered a grilled chicken caesar salad and a strawberry cheesequake blizzard. I was in heaven. They had broken the mature tastebud barrier.

So, I tried again in Sioux Falls. The next time I had anything it was a hamburger. It tasted funny. The meat tasted bad. Was it just me? The second opinion confirmed that "no" it wasn't. I was on my way out of town, so returning it was impossible. Okay, note to self, no burgers. Then it was the chicken caesar. When I asked for caesar dressing I got the funniest look. Okay, I will bring it home and eat it there. The next time, I tried a Strawberry Cheesequake, Nick had a butterfinger blizzard and Ben had a chocolate chip cookie dough blizzard. When I got my blizzard, It was 75% chocolate chip cookie dough with strawberry cheesequake tossed in.

Have you seen When Harry Met Sally? Let me refresh your memory of the scene when Harry says that Sally is high maintenance:

Waitress: Hi, what can I get ya?
Harry: I'll have a number three.
Sally: I'd like the chef salad please with the oil and vinegar on the side and the apple pie a la mode.
Waitress: Chef and apple a la mode.
Sally: But I'd like the pie heated and I don't want the ice cream on top I want it on the side and I'd like strawberry instead of vanilla if you have it if not then no ice cream just whipped cream but only if it's real if it's out of a can then nothing.
Waitress: Not even the pie? Sally: No, just the pie, but then not heated.

I'm probably not that bad. Anyway, last night was hot and we were getting the ice cream to go. Looking at their display sizes and containers, I decided I wanted my hot fudge on the side so I wouldn't wear it on the way home. Hot fudge melts the ice cream too fast. If I wanted hot fudge milk, I would ask for it. Anyway, the girl set a hot fudge sundae on the counter and her coworker said "no, she wanted the hot fudge on the side" the girl takes the sundae, slams it into the garbage and says that I was being ridiculous. She then slams down the container of the hot fudge and a container of what looked like heavy cream on the counter. I told the kid that it didn't look like the ones up on the display. The ice cream was - I kid you not - liquid and level with the rim of the container. He said that when they get busy it always does that. Well, I understand busy and we would have waited to actually have FROZEN ice cream - as I thought that was the meaning of ice cream. As we left the store, the man entering the store was apparently really into scratching his genitalia. As he didn't stop even when he saw us approaching, I asked him it he was alright.

I so could be a recluse....

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Neighborhood Rejuvenation Meeting

Today was the second meeting that I went to for the Neighborhood Conservation Area. I sat next to the right person, too!! There is supposed to be a big announcement soon, possibly before the next meeting that impacts the project greatly. I don't know too much about it.

Things discussed were Arch. Inc.'s concept drawings of possible buildings to go in on 11th street. These would be similar in architecture to what we have in the neighborhood. They looked great! Tax and financial incentives were discussed, then the lady next to me, M., spoke of community gardens. I mentioned the parkways and how the city forestry guy wanted to know the addresses of the folks that were planting flowers on their parkways so he could cite them for it and probably have them all dug up. M. asked who it was and I told her I didn't quite know a right way to describe him but sniveling. She said she knew exactly who he was.

We discussed naming the area and agreed that it is the people in the neighborhood that should come up with the name and that our group could select from there. Names suggested were midtown, west town, old town.

I suggested that the plan incorporate the area from Minnesota to Grange and 10th to 18th. Everyone liked that idea.

This meeting was so much better than the last one. It was more promising. I went away from the last one with a sinking heart that this may fail. Someone else suggested that it goes to West. That would be good, too!

I brought up the specified crime property - I think that we should bring that up to the City Council. That is where the landlord gets fined if crime is a continuous problem at their property.

I got M.'s wheels turning on some ideas.

Well, that's all for now. I have to hit the books then run to class.

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Shaky Sunday

I am very shaky today. Perhaps it is just stress. I should never research medical crap - although this is difficult since I am now taking Physiology. I sent my teacher an e-mail asking him what he could tell me about being septic. When I look online, everything says that I should be in ICU right now and that 25-50% of people with this condition die from it. Nice. I tried to get in with my own dr. but she was gone last week and I have an appointment with her tomorrow. I was supposed to get my white count checked again 24-48 hours after the initial exam-antibiotic shots, but they wouldn't/couldn't order the tests. You see, they wanted to do the exam and all the tests over again since the records from acute care hadn't arrived yet. I hate the medical field. They said that it usually takes 5 days for the records to arrive from Sioux Valley! This is the stinking digital age. What's the fricking hold up?! Medical transcriptionists work from home now!

After looking all this up, I can see why the doctor looked at me funny before saying he wasn't going to order the spinal tap against his better judgement - although I didn't look deathly ill.

Friday, July 06, 2007

Still here and maybe even better

I took the rest of the 4th off and cried and wrote and cried. When my son got home I told him that it would probably be best if he just grabbed what he needed and stayed at his dad's. I told him that I just can't take anymore of this. I expected him to go up to his room and run out of the house cheering. He has always been threatening to "go live with my dad". Turns out, he really doesn't want to. Hmmm... So now he says he can abide by the rules. He stayed home the night of the 4th and all day and night the 5th. He said he realizes that he can't be going out every night and staying out 'til all hours of the night - "there's nothing to do that late, anyway". I chuckle parentally.

I was thinking of going on a photo shoot tomorrow, until I heard what the weather would be like - hot! Perhaps Sunday. I have this location in mind. I don't think there are many if any trees, so the heat would be unbearable. The air went out in the car, and after paying $500 to get it fixed, it went out again... First it was the hose. Not such an expensive hose, just expensive to get to. Now it is supposed to be the compressor. I just really don't plan on driving this all that much longer. I need something more efficient anyway.

Well, time to study. I have a test this week. Tuesday I believe. On enzymes and stuff. I have been listening to the lectures again and jotting down notes from them and found that I am doing so much better. This is very abstract stuff for me. I will take time to shoot the roses, though. (Photographically speaking..)

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Happy July 4, 2007

Okay, here it is. Out there and honest. I wouldn't write about today except for the fact that so many that read this blog say they can relate. Relating one human to another is such a personal thing. We are all human and we all go through times like this. Let's just hope we can all come out of it, too.

Today I woke up and cried. And cried and cried and cried. Have you ever had the feeling that this isn't the life that you signed on for? That despite all your efforts, you keep falling backwards over and over again. Forget the abstract, on to the reality.

It all started with the Nick thing. The graduation thing. He hasn't graduated yet. He is going to summer school. No, maybe it all starts with the car thing. He was in a rut and his car kept going out on him. The transmission was the last straw and I thought it was the last he should spend on that hunk of junk that turned out to be a gift that dumped on him over and over again. I could relate. I felt for the guy. So I blew a substantial chunk of my savings on buying him a car that would be reliable and hopefully help his self-esteem. He was so happy he promised that he would pay nearly every cent he made on it. I was happy that he was happy.

Then came the graduation thing. I cried and cried about that one. Shit, this time that was supposed to be so happy for me was so unhappy. I was angry with him.

Then came time for him to pay me for the car. Nope, nope, nope. He yelled at me because he didn't have the money. He kept working and earning it and spending it. He would be overdrawn and I would help him out and he wouldn't pay me back.

Jess came to spend her two weeks with her dad. She was up to the usual summertime fun of manipulating people, lying and throwing tantrums. I told Brian not to fix the last window she broke because she should live with it. One more window and she will have bugs and bats flying in her room. Then Jess was sexually assaulted. The truth of the matter was that we think that perhaps it may have been consensual and not the first time, but the 23 year-old registered sex offender is back in jail thanks to Jess's friend's father walking in on it.

Jess kept getting into trouble with her friend Anna. They would do what they wanted and didn't think that any adult had the right to tell them what to do. The constitution said that they were free to do whatever and say whatever they wanted. One night when Jess was supposed to be in counseling, she was in Valley Springs. Somehow, when Brian came home, she was back in Sioux Falls. When push came to shove, we found out that Nick had been driving she and her friend all over because he had a crush on her 13 year-old friend. Big no-no. Jess after she came home, threw a tantrum outside and her dad had to pick her up and bring her into the house. She called the police on him. That night Jess ran away. We called the police. Her friend thought that she was with another 23 year-old guy that she had a picture of on her phone. She says she stayed over at her friends' house. Who knows? Anyway, she was released to her mother's custody, but then had to go back to the pokey after punching her mom. She was there overnight and the next morning got smart with her mother who decided that apparently her stay at the "inn" had taught her nothing. So, she stayed all weekend.

Meanwhile, Nick still isn't paying for his car, but is going out every night with his friends and ending up with no money. He got into trouble with some magazine subscriptions, and owed $700.00 that they wanted right then. Earlier this week he was on the phone with them and we were trying to see how much he could pay right then and found out he had 4 more overdrafts at $34 each. He started crying. I grabbed the phone and talked them into waiting and he only had $280 left to pay. He was grateful for the moment.

Then there is the warrant for his arrest. It says 3 ct Simple Assault - attempt. ???? What the hell? His dad says that when he was partying at one of the local parks back in May, he had to leave. There were folks all around his car. When he shooed them away and began backing out, he bumped a girl in the back of the foot. He says he didn't know about it until the next day. That evening when he got to the park, there were folks with baseball bats waiting for him. (Is that where the first dent in the car came from?) He left the park before they could beat him up, but it wasn't over. Apparently the police had called and spoke with him. They didn't think it would go anywhere, but apparently it did. We don't know the details. We don't know why 3 cts, but we do know that this girl's mother took her to the doctor the following day and nothing was wrong. She was fine. There are holes in this story. Why? why? why? Who is this boy and where is my son? This isn't the Nick that was so interested in learning in 3rd grade that he was bored?

So, this morning, I wake up and the house is a mess and I feel like crap. Saturday, you see, when I woke up, my neck was stiff and sore. I think I had a pinched nerve. My mom and I seem prone to that. Sunday it seemed like I was getting a sore throat. I knew that I probably had an ear infection, but with all of the immune deficiency with antibiotics, I chose not to go to the doctor and get antibiotics. Today, I couldn't hear out of that ear and thought I had better go in. So I did. I figured I would get checked out, get antibiotics and get the heck out of there. Apparently it wasn't supposed to go that way.

After all was said and done, they took 8 vials of blood (I passed out only after they started the 2nd 4 vials - and they just kept poking and taking blood while I was on the floor), did a strep test and a chest x-ray and wanted to do a spinal tap. No thank you! They are testing for Lyme Disease, West Nile, thyroid, and blood infection. Jeepers! I just have an ear infection! Actually, the ear isn't even infected. It was fluid, but not infected. They gave me two shots of an antibiotic that they use for meningitis, a follow up prescription, and said that if I felt at all worse, to go to the emergency room immediately. (What does septic mean? I think toxic...) Now I sit on my sore ass and wait for test results. And the house is still messy and my kid locked his keys in his (my) car and had to admit he had stolen my set. Then he said that he didn't have to put up with my "shit"!?!

So, here I am. This IS NOT the life I signed up for.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

Beggasse Company

I always thought it would be cool to own a company called Big Ass. Or, for better spelling, Beggasse. So, I would own a Big Ass company with a Big Ass board that makes Big Ass decisions. All the employees would have Big Ass jobs where they would get Big Ass paychecks. We would have Big Ass Christmas parties and Big Ass company picnics. Everyone would get Big Ass raises and Big Ass promotions as we would make Big Ass profits. They would drive Big Ass company cars and when we needed to fly somewhere we would take off in the Big Ass leer jet. It would be nice to be the Big Ass boss sitting at my Big Ass desk in my Big Ass chair in my Big Ass office in our Big Ass building. At the end of their Big Ass careers, each employee would have a Big Ass retirement party and we would give them Big Ass watches. Hopefully they will have enjoyed their careers as Big Ass employees!

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Lefty, these are sooo.... 2006!

Of course I would have the trampiest of the tramps in my collection of scandalous snits. Here I have a portrait depicting the four siblings of the heathen on the right, looking disapprovingly at her in her disheveled state.

Oh, How I Wish

I would really love to learn how to paint. When I take these photos, it inspires me to want to recreate the images...I love the color gradients, the grace and elegance, the sharp contrasts, the veins, the play of sun on the petals and leaves and all the textures. I would really love to capture that with my own hands... Although the following pictures may seem redundant and boring, look closer... The blanket flower below has a center that goes from green to yellow and suddenly to red. The outside of the petals is yellow, yet the inside is nearly a pink - such a color combination is certainly unfashionable in the human world, but it works on this beauty!


These tiger lilies are georgeous. As much as I really dislike orange in many other applications once again, flora can pull it off! It is the subtlety of the change of shading... the staman are yet a darker shade of the same color. This flower, like my beautiful mother, also has freckles. The graceful curves are perfection and the texture is simply divine and mouthwatering!!!







This day lily is a little dry. Mother nature still makes beauty of it. The dryness, as opposed to the tiger lilies, has curled the edges of the petals, yet gives it almost a lacy look. The white center stripes are striking against the lovely peach that darkens as it gets toward the center which surprisingly is a shockingly bright yellow. The veins throughout the petals are a bit darker than the rest of the petal giving it a subtle striping that enhances the entire ensemble.





This flower,though not perfect is beautiful in its grace on its slender stem. I like the contrast of the focused flower against the blurred green and stark white backdrop.
I would love to learn how to paint some day. I would love to capture this all on canvas. The garden is such a living work of art. Everything is in a different stage of its life. Each embracing its own beauty. Such a crowd of color and excitement...

Oh, You Naughty Nymphs!

The red dahlia with its seductive curves and teasingly tight inner petals, just waiting to unveil!


Blanket flowers, one with a bit of a bald spot. But, isn't it beautiful?




The purple coneflower and its geometrical divinity.




The tiger lily temptresses, leaving practically nothing to the imagination!


The coy bud of the hosta, slowly making its debut...


The hydrangea being ravaged by the urgent bee...


A shyer hosta bud...




Black and white really brings out the flowing grace and perfection of the dahlia.





Bee's balm as shown earlier in my blog, is something of a comedian. This is the Phyllis Diller of flowers with its wild mop...






Baby dahlias waking...