Aw Man...

Last night I fully intended to get all caught up on my homework. Unfortunately Brian's daughter decided to be a juvenile delinquent and make us call the police on her. She refused to take the UA her daddy bought her and didn't admit to doing anything wrong until the officer was at the house. Last night, she was crying and afraid that she was going to JDC. Today she is mouthy and mad at her parents. I don't get it. She is 13 years old. I would never have thought to do anything like this. I really wonder if NOW her mother won't allow dad to have full legal custody. He had to call her at the bar last night to let her know of all this. They didn't file a report in order to allow her to be in their care and custody, and then she gets lippy with them. I think I would call Officer Tony back and say, I renig, take her. Jess's parents are both angry with the girl that Jess smoked it with despite the fact we have a text message from this weekend when Jess was attempting to get pot from someone else. They are losing sight of the real issue. There will always be another dealer. That is not where the problem lies. This child needs help and so do the parents!! The question I have for her mother is just how messed up does her daughter have to get before she admits that maybe a mother actively pursuing her drinking problem may not be the best parent for that child?!!!! Another question for her mother is: how can you call Crime Stoppers from the bar when you are drunk!!??!!
Tough love works - sometimes. The thing that many parents worry about in turning their children over to JDC is that their kids will learn new tricks from the "bad" kids. Unfortunately rehabilitation is not the best if at all effective in those institutions. Rehab is not achieved at all in homes where the parents want nothing more than to be their children's friends.
This behavior was the final straw in my relationship with Brian. He couldn't parent and I couldn't live with his parenting. This is why I often go to my room to study when she is here. I can't bear to see daddy spoil and enable his daughter. I haven't said "I told you so" to him, but right now I am being a butt and saying it to all that read my online thoughts. I know it isn't very nice, but if you could see all the crap that I have had to deal with, you would've thrown him out in the cold long ago. I have had to pack all my valuables so they wouldn't get destroyed. We have had to replace several broken windows. I have purchased at least 4 phones since they have lived here - and not because of factory defects. My children have wanted to go to their dad's (and have) when the stress has been too much. When any one of them is angry - Brian, Jess, Laura - I am the instant scapegoat. I have had Brian's ex tell me that I couldn't use my own phone because she was talking to her daughter.
They have retaliated at each other through her and then when things get bad enough that they have to pull together for some reason, it must somehow be my fault. (Triangulation) I feel like I am already a counselor in training here. Honestly I would send him on his way. The reason I don't is purely financial. He and I are, at this point friends, too. Despite everything I care about him as a friend and his parents love me and I love them. They are great and have thanked me many times for the difference that I have made in their granddaughter (and son's) life. The child was a shrew when I met them. She was already destructive and no one would tell her "no". I have taught her manners and boundaries.

Since separating finances, I am no longer the enemy in that arena. Brian now eats lunch at home instead of having fast food and stopping at convenience stores. Imagine that! All the griping that I did and all the fights about how we couldn't afford stuff and NOW he realizes it! But now, there is a lot of fixing to do. With all the fixing and all the child support that he won't go in and change, he honestly cannot afford to live on his own - and pay me back at the same time. I figure I don't have the time for a romantic relationship anyway, so I plug away at school and stay out of his personal life as much as possible and raise my own children.

This has all been like Hurricane Katrina or a bad novel that never gets better. No happy ending. Frankly, I really don't want to see how the story ends. It has been that bad. I don't think that I will ever be having that nice adult to adult talk with Jess about "remember that time when you were caught smoking pot? I never thought that you would pull out of it and now look at the woman you've become. You really have your shit together." No, I just don't think that will happen. I don't want to see the end of this disaster.

Enough for tonight. I have purged the ick from my soul for now. Now I have to study and I don't have the police over here so I had better get going before the drama creeps up again...