Feels So Right

Yesterday I went on a job shadow.  I admit I was scared at first.  

The last human services job shadow I did was heart wrenching.  I went to a facility where they take care of kids with developmental disabilities.  I thought it would be a good fit.  Reading over the materials the place sounded great - sounded like a facility where I might send my children if they had the same conditions as these children.  The reality was different.  After I walked through the plush child-centered foyer, we went through security door after security door to get to the living area of these children.  We spent the time chasing down children performing task after task.  The person I was shadowing seemed somewhat harsh and unfeeling towards the children.  After force feeding the children, and cleaning up, I asked for her to show me the behavior plan that she was supposed to do with each of the children.  Each one had their own three ring binder.  She seemed annoyed with the request, but went through the motions quickly.  She was the most senior staff, having been there three months.  I left there and cried.

The shadow I did yesterday was completely different.  The person I was shadowing didn't need a three ring binder to tell her what to do with the children.  The children were allowed to have personalities.  One of the staff was even there sitting with the children on her day off!!!  It was NOT mechanical, but natural.  I was so impressed.  I could see the beauty of each child and wanted to know each one of them better.  

Knowing their histories - and their futures - perhaps it would be better not to become attached.  These are the kids whose legal guardians are the state of SD.  These are the kids who at 18 are thrown out into the world to fend for themselves.  Someone has to have hope for them.  I just hope it isn't too late.