Stepfamily stuff...

So, it sounds like therapists and agencies are hungry for the latest information on therapy with stepfamilies. Having realized the problem of few helpful resources for stepfamilies, I thought it would be a good specialty to go into. I have been surprised, however at the lack of information available for someone who intends to pursue the sport of addressing stepfamily issues.

I know a small piece of what my stepfamily is. I understand the dynamics and the need to be accepted by the rest of the world. There are my children, his child, their interactions, my interactions with my children, with his child, our relationship, my parents, my siblings, his parents, my ex-husband, his ex-wife, their parents... That is merely the family corner if you look from a systems approach.

The systems approach sees people from the perspective of all their interactions in their environment. There is the family system, the school system, employment, community, close friends, etc. All of these interact and have an effect on each other. A good way to describe this is with a mobile. If you move one piece of a mobile, the other pieces all move as well.

Our society looks at family from the nuclear family perspective. A mother, a father and the children. Although there is no handbook on how to raise your family, there are traditional roles played by the members. The parents are the authority figures, bring home the bacon and split the resources accordingly. The children say, "that's not fair!" when resources are not distributed to their liking and tend to argue and play with each other.

A stepfamily is different. Mom's new friend comes over occasionally at first and then after awhile, may move in or marry her. The children develop a relationship of friendship with this person until the unspeakable happens: He moves in. The resources including finances, food, space and time are all askew. If he has children, the situation escalates to that of a haphazard blended concoction. Everyone wants it all to work out, but looking from the systems approach, the adjustments ripple through every aspect of their lives. In the most well-meaning of families, this is difficult. Throw in a couple of cups of antagonism from former spouses and the result is a vile explosive mixture.

More later!