More Darkness

Okay, I have to apologize for not being able to get out of this slump. If it is bothering you, think how much it is bothering me. If its not one thing another. One bright spot was when Jennifer, a girl at work that is in another department, asked me for words of wisdom. She is a very intelligent girl that just can't seem to move up. She is so nice. My boss wouldn't hire her because she didn't have an accounting degree. I don't know what that matters. As long as she is intelligent, she can do what we do. Actually, I told Jennifer that she shouldn't get upset about it because I am looking at getting out of the area and I really wouldn't want her to jump out of the frying pan into the fire.

So, offering some sage advice and sharing my mantra to "Do one thing everyday towards your goal(s)." seemed to help her and me, too. I hate people to feel that where they are is "it". It isn't. There is so much more out there. We are just not used to encountering it and get in our ruts and begin to feel there is no way to move up in our fish bowl. We need to take a vacation and get our heads away from the mindset that is our ticking clock day after day. We need to see what else is there and what more we want to do.

Anyway, back in my fishbowl of a house... I suppose I should start from the beginning. After Jess was discovered to be smoking pot, two days later, she got appendicitis. Big guy, that was BAD timing. Because she is so far, off the hook. She was in the hospital for 2 days and got the sympathy of everyone and was given $40 towards her pay-as-you-go phone to solicit more sympathy. When she was in the hospital, her mother spoon fed her and held the straw to her lips so the child didn't have to do anything at all. When she came home, she laid down all day long for 4 days. A big dispute happened when I said that she needed to sleep in her bed over here. We don't have a whole lot of seating over here and I just don't think that it is a good idea for a kid who can't even sit up 6 days after a simple appendectomy to lay on the couch watching tv all night long when she needs her sleep. So, Friday, after not sitting up for 7 days, she got to go back to school. Friday night, she was exhausted and Brian said that he needed her to have the couch. I went to my room to study, stating only that I wanted to watch Bill Maher at 10:00 pm. Brian said that wouldn't be a problem, because he was putting her to bed at 9:00. That came and went and she put up a huge fight because she "wasn't ready to be alone yet". In other words, I want the couch, the service and the t.v. for as long as I can milk it. When she threw her tantrum, I went back upstairs. I get tired of sending myself to my room because of her temper tantrums.

Saturday was a temper tantrum about her phone. She used up her $40 worth of time in one week and was demanding more. I, upstairs once again, heard that she kept turning the tv off to throw her tantrum. Not knowing that he was rewarding this behavior, Nick relented when she begged him for $20 more for the phone. (He had been working during the multiple temper tantrums) She said she doesn't have to pay him back and he says she does. She has no income.

Tonight she texted her dad that her boyfriend doesn't want to see her anymore because they can't spend any time together. She said it was her dad's fault.

On top of this, I got a phone call from the high school stating that Nick has missed at least one class today. Lovely. He is also failing 2 classes. He is supposed to graduate this year.

Okay, so I should be happily looking forward to this coming weekend with no children, right? Nope. Laura (Brian's ex) said that she has to work this weekend and he has to stop being a part time parent. (This is the woman that tried to KEEP him from seeing his daughter for many years. The woman that would hire a sitter and tell him he couldn't watch her while she took off for weekends with her boozing friends) Now she wants him to be a full-time parent??? She is the one that spoiled the crap out of her daughter this past week and made dad pay for it. Now she's leaving the mess of a child with us again. I am fit to be tied. I need a break. I asked Brian if Laura could have her mother come and take care of her. Apparently it is supposed to snow this weekend, so her mother won't come. I think that Laura can take Jess to her mother's then! I think Brian is at his breaking point. I know I am.

Anyway, with all the crap going on, I am not caught up on all my studies like I planned on being at this time. I was planning on turning in at least 2 more Urban Psyche assignments in during Spring Break and getting a chapter ahead in Psyche. Now I am living a chapter of some psyche experiment gone bad.

Hopefully it will help that I got this out. Right now I don't feel much better. I feel wrung out like an old rag on its last leg. I have been tired all day, now my nerves are shot and I am wired, unsleepy, unable to concentrate.

It is so hard to read when I am like this. I read over and over again and still don't absorb. I should take up yoga.