Meat In the Stew!

I now have a new blog to stay tuned to. Not that I wasn't catching it occasionally hoping there were new posts anyway...but I'm lovin' it!

My dad is blogging! He's a blogger! Best of all, he opened up and showed a little ankle...

He is beginning to write about his human side. I love it! It is difficult to do at times, because you are posting it for all to see. You can be accessed by anyone. What I have found in my life, is that the best response I get is when I talk about the flaws in myself, or my weaknesses... There certainly are some that I leave out, but there are so many I put in.

When you acknowledge and bear your flaws to others, they embrace that part of you. They do so because it is a part of them. We all have flaws. Why do we like comedians? What do they talk about? Why do we laugh? Either they are bringing up quirky things that we never thought of ourselves or they are hitting that part of us that says, "I know!!! I feel like that, too!" They question or remark on the human condition and that is why we laugh. Of course, they put it in a funny way... (By the way, J., sorry I forgot to return that CD today. It was wonderful! Thank you for brightening my days at work!)

Okay, let me spew more of my human condition onto the digital pages here... I read my dad's blog and my brother's comments and hear comments from other people and realize that the way they see me is not quite the way I see myself. I feel lazy, constantly pushing to get things done, forgetful, weak and whiney. They see me apparently as strong and determined. Huh? I wonder if I am a hypochondriac and sometimes believe that if it were not for the numbers, I would be just that.

I guess I dwell on things that have been said that really brought me to my knees...After repeated sinus infections my dr. sent me to an ear, nose and throat guy. Dr. S. took an MRI and looked up my nose and on my next appointment said that I don't have sinus problems. He also wrote in his report that I was very emotional. I guess you are supposed to be extra chipper when your face and head are pounding and someone says that they find nothing wrong. So, I decided despite my opinion and that of my doctor, I don't have sinus problems. In a way, that is what got me into this whole mess. I had sinus headaches and faceaches and drainage but I was going to tough it out. Plus, we are becoming so desensitized to antibiotics that our bodies are losing the ability to heal themselves. I went to the doctor on July 4th because of vertigo. I couldn't even study because reading - even sitting still and especially on a computer - was making me feel like I was car sick. Since I can't feel ear infections, I thought I had better go in and get it taken care of so I wouldn't have to miss any work or worse yet, any blogs or blogging! The rest, as they say, is history. Now I am all whiney and emotional again!

I have had the fevers and the night sweats for at least a year. My doctor said she thought it was peri-menopausal. Isn't that special. If it were peri-menopausal, then THAT would be the problem because I am not that friggin' old!! I know that menopause brings hot flashes, but they call them FLASHES because they are brief span of time when you feel warm. NOT because you are constantly running a fever. Does a flash of lightening stay for a year? NO! It flashes!

Doctors have really poor memories, too. The ID (infectious disease doctor) came in early one morning as I was waking up. Before she felt my glands, she touched the drenched back of my head and said, "yes, there definitely is something going on here". She ordered oodles of tests, but said in the end it may be peri-menopausal or "fever of unknown origin". Here we go again. I thought that is what I was in for!

Farmer in the dell...