Monday Part 2

Lately at work, things have been getting kind of crappy. Meetings eating into productivity. Appointments having to be rescheduled because we are understaffed. Overall reprimanding of the group when only a few are guilty - I hate that. For one, I feel that it is my fault. Don't ask me why, but that group thing always gets to me. If I ever become a teacher, I will never impose that tactic. But, my guilt button is very close to the surface. I am not a good liar at all. When I am accused of doing so, I have been known to burst into uncontrollable tears. I remember one time when I was waitressing one of the older waitresses accused me of stealing her tip. Apparently this customer of hers "always" left her a tip at another restaurant she worked at. We were working at one with signs all over saying, "No Tipping, Please". I told her I didn't steal it. Actually, I did her a favor when I cleared the table in the first place. It wasn't my section, but that is something I always did to help my coworkers. I had never been accused of stealing before, and never accused of lying. There was NO tip there. I was deeply hurt by her accusations. How could she? There and many times over, I learned that no good deed goes unpunished. I will never forget her name, Lottie. I will never forget her angry red face against her beehived white hair. I won't forget the hurt. Lottie, I wasn't lying. I didn't steal your tip.

Anyway, back to the point. The boss hasn't exactly been in a good mood lately. She keeps getting negative feedback on all these surveys that we are taking. We are supposed to be honest. One of the questions on the last survey we had, asked us, as employees, if we thought our opinions mattered. Low scores. So, she said that as a group we would all have to try and raise those scores. Then someone brought up moving. (We change desks every 3-6 months as people are cross-trained into different functions) I asked her if we had any input in the decision of where we would sit. Her response was that there was only one way. Hmmm...some of us think outside the box. Some of us may be able to think of different ways. I had the whole thing reorganized like never before. But, it all deflated.

I have been pretty upset lately, too because it appears that I will have to find a different job to continue my education. I am missing out on psyche courses because she doesn't want me to leave 45 minutes early once a week for 16 weeks. Yes, this is asking a lot. But when I see other people's names on the board for leaving early and know that I am scrutinized, I get awfully disappointed.

Then we have to have our vacation schedules in by Friday. I don't know what I want for vacation this early in the game. I haven't had time off for Christmas for at least 4 years. We are supposed to rotate this between us every year. There are 3 people in my "function": me and two others. They were discussing between each other who got Christmas off. I pulled out the calendars for the last 6 years and let them know that it was about...mmmm....my turn???!!! Oh, well. I only have a couple of days that are that important to me and those are the days prior to Nick's graduation. I told them that they could decide between themselves as long as when I want it off (If I am still in this job) I can have it.

Geez, I guess I feel invisible. Maybe a little worse than that.

When I got home I began cooking supper and then Nick decided to join my network for high-speed internet. He went out and bought his accessory and expected me to set it up for him. The kids have a PC. I didn't want to do it right now. I had studying to do, a lab to do, and a test to study for. Then the phone rang, and Sioux Valley, whom I have called twice this week already asking for information on the bills, (the bills, bills, bills bills bills - note to self: Do a "Bills" rendition of Edgar Allen Poe's "The Bells") called to ask if payment was on the way for a $60 bill that I just called about and was told was paid, but another $30 one was outstanding. Apparently Sioux Valley's new system of care means that every dr. appointment, every x-ray, every hospital visit, though all included on the same statement, are all different account numbers. So, in my attempt to pay one off, I paid the other off again. I am dealing now with 7 different account numbers for Nick's one procedure. Am I the only one that doesn't see the logic in all of that? I told the lady on the phone that this is an accounting nightmare. Imagine getting a new checking account number everytime you made a deposit...yeah...confusing.

Well, I get my hair cut tomorrow. It is now down to the small of my back. I don't know what to do with it. Leave it long, but layered? Get some wispy bangs? Chop it off? Get a buzz???? I don't know. But I know I will have a lot of studying to do afterwards!

I need some sleep.

Good night,
A